I'm Not Her

Chapter 38: I'm Not With Him Anymore

I almost went one week without anyone copying this story! But this little shit decided that she would make sure I didn't break my record. Gah, I wanted to go one week without it happening :(

Chapter 38:

Carter...he cheated on me. But the thing was, I wasn't as mad as I should be or upset as a regular person would be. Actually, scratch that. I was more upset that he cheated on me with my own sister, which was all sorts of wrong things. Then again, I had cheated on him as well with my sister's ex. This was too confusing for me to even handle. 

Tomas excused the two of us for half an hour to "sort out our shit" which we did. Carter and I went into an empty room, not used for anything. We stood in front of each other, not daring to look into each other's eyes. Our eyes were cast towards the ground, at our feet. 

"I-" Carter started, but he quickly shut his mouth again, not knowing what the right words to say were. Honestly, I felt the same. I guess we were both confused, not knowing what to think.

Should we be ashamed that we cheated? Or should we be angry that the other cheated? The situation we were in wasn't a common one so we didn't know what the appropriate reactions were. Shock...that was something I felt. But I didn't know how to feel towards Carter.

"My sister..." I said, "you kissed Perrie."

"I did," Carter admitted, "but I never wanted to hurt you, Pen. I don't know. There was something with Perrie that...I honestly have no clue. I don't know if I like her in that way...or if I don't... But recently, you were acting really weird around me and I didn't even know if you wanted to be with me anymore. Obviously I was right- you went back to your ex." I sensed a bit of jealousy in his voice, but he deserved an explanation.

"You deserve an explanation from me, and maybe I should've told you long ago. I didn't know how you'd react so I kept it to myself," I started, "Perrie asked me to switch places were her a while ago...before I started acting."

"Yeah so?"

"She was...she was tired of fame. She wanted to just take a break without any paparazzi finding her so I did. But that also meant that I had to pretend to be Zayn's girlfriend."

"Zayn's your ex," Carter realized, "so that was what people were talking about before. That situation blew up on twitter, but I was too confused to make anything out of it."

"And one thing led to another and I fell in love with my sister's boyfriend," I let out a small laugh, "how sick is that? I never meant for it to happen! What's even worse was that the two of them were together because of a contract! And at the time, he still thought I was Perrie and I guess he...he for some sick reason fell in love with me. When I actually told him who I was, he was so angry and upset that I couldn't handle being around him anymore so-"

"You moved to a totally new country and began a career here," Carter finished. 

"Pretty much..."

"You never did stop loving him did you? Was I just your back up? Was I just your fall back guy because you wanted to get over him?" Carter asked, but he wasn't angry. He was just asking questions, just wanting to know what the truth was.

"As bad as it is, I never did stop loving Zayn. No matter how much he hated me, I couldn't stop it from happening. I'm so sorry Carter, I never meant to hurt you. You're such a great guy and you don't deserve this happening to you," I apologized, "but there was actually a time that I actually really thought that I loved you."

"I'm just as much to blame as well aren't I?" Carter said. "I kissed your sister. And what's worse...what's worse was that I enjoyed it."

"I didn't need to know that."