Chapter 16: Home

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[[A/N: So I am quicken things up a bit. I want you all to witness what I have in plan for the birth of Selene's son which is not in this chapter but coming to it. The births of daughters are unimportant during these types so it gave me certain liberties to give Selene live daughters here and there. But unfortunately, she will still suffer some miscarriages. However, she's a strong and gorgeous Queen, she will fight! Anyways, in the image up above is what I imagined Selene's dress to Alexandria's birth celebration to look like. However, if I designed a dress in context to the era, it would be more modest. It's so pretty! Hope you enjoy!]]

[[Selene || 25 January 16 B.C.E]]

Outside in the palace garden, overlooking the sea, the blue sky watched the small group of elites chatter and drink while under a flowered pergola. The Gods - as the nearby priest enlightened - were watching me. It was my birthday, but it seemed that the Gods have blessed my child's long excruciating birth to be now, an entire week and four days early. Although the sun was cool and radiating a sweet heat, although the ocean was calm and munificent, although everything seemed to be as jovial as Satarnalia, I was sweating pebbles and trying - with difficulty - not to scream. The physician told me it was not the sign of a good Queen to scream during birth, and I do not know where this Quack learned this! It seemed like my first birth; I felt so raw. I gave one nasty scream as I tried to push the large baby out of me, and then I digressed. I fell back against my pillows my ladies - Helena and Roxana amongst them - holding my pillows up. I was sobbing silently, fear dramatically consuming me. Was I to die? Was my baby to die with me too? I could not bear it, I could not. Gwen, sweet Gwen, was the one to hold my hand and whisper praises into my ear.

"Push Your Majesty," she softly said as I breathed raggedly and cried. "Don't give up," she rubbed my hand, "I birthed four healthy babies, and lived to tell the tale, you can to my most gracious Queen. Please don't quit now, Your Majesty." She kept insisting, and I could not help but crush her fingers as I forced again to get the baby out.

"Yes, Your Majesty!" The midwife called, "Just like that! Push! I can see its head!" she yelled frantically.

I pulled Gwen to me and hugged her as I heaved a part of my soul out my body. Out came a loud screeching sound of a baby's screaming.

"Oh, Your Majesty!" The midwife yelled.

"You did it!" The Physician scurried to the midwife to check my baby's sex and tell Juba.

I held on to Gwen tighter, wishing it was Octavia or my dear mother who I held onto right now. I cried on Gwen's shoulder trying not to relive the horridly beautiful thing I just performed. I prayed that this baby - whose father is virtually unknown to me - would actually be a living one. I prayed it would be, because I cannot feel the pain of losing a child again. I have lost too many.

"You did beautifully," Gwen promised. I sniffed as the rest of my ladies attempted to pry me from her in order to cleanse me, but I would not. I was miserable. "Your Majesty, we need to clean you so that you will be well." She fed me words that I declined to eat but ate anyway. I shook my head in her chest and she ran her hand through my hair like my own mother used to. I stilled and complied and allowed the ladies to remove me from the bed.

The midwife approached me with the baby quickly cleansed and swaddled. It was squirming around and still shrieking in hunger.

"It's a strong baby girl." She announced.

I reached for her, but it seemed a wet nurse came first.

"No," I found my voice. Roxana had stripped me of my clothes and was dressing me in a new linen gown when I spoke my command. Everything seemed to stand as I stared at the nurse with eyes as still as stone. "I have never fed any of the babies that fortunately lived, and I watched each of them die. I will feed her." I simply said.

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