When I Was Fifteen

Chapter 13~ You're So Clueless

The next morning I wake up in his arms. I freak out but try not to wake him up. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. What did I do? Then I remember, we were hugging and then he wanted to show me a video, but I was so tired that I just ended up falling asleep.

I walk out of his room and see his mom walking up the stairs.

"Ooh what are you doing in my son's bedroom?" She asks, smirking at me.

"Nothing, we were just watching videos, and I fell asleep," I answer.

"Oh honey, you're so clueless. I see the way he looks at you," she replies, walks into her room, and then shuts the door.

I get ready for the day and I don't even think about the fact I have to face James at school.

~~~~~

Kyle drives me to school and once we get there, he walks me to my locker.

"Text me if you need me, okay? I'd be happy to run out of class to save you," he states and I giggle.

"I think I'll be alright, thanks," I reply. I had told him everything on the car ride here, and I'm surprised I didn't break down, I just shed a couple tears.

"Okay, I have to go, but I can drive you home if you want," he says, and I smile, then he walks away. I open my locker, stuff everything in but my binders, a textbook, and my phone. Once I turn around to walk to class, I see Thalia, and my heart starts racing. Thankfully, she doesn't notice me, so I take a couple deep breaths, and then head to class.

School goes by slowly at first, but then it's eventually lunch. I had a test later in the day so I was going to just go to the library and study while I eat. As I walk to the stairs, I see James walk in the front doors. His curly hair looks frizzy and big, his hazel eyes are covered by dark shades, and his skin looks like a yellow and white blend and it looks disgusting. He's wearing a thin, white shirt with a giant mustard stain. He has on dark blue jeans that are sagging so much that his boxers stand out. I try not to stare at him for too long and just sneak past him, but he notices me.

"Kelsey?" He says in the saddest voice I've ever heard, and I ignore him. It hurts but I can't give him another chance, I just can't. I walk upstairs and tears roll down my cheeks. It shouldn't be this hard. God, why is it this hard?

~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the day I just block everything out of my head, and it works until I have to see him again.

"Kelsey, please, let me explain," he says, and grabs my arm.

"Don't touch me!" I yell and escape his grip, I walk over to where Kyle is.

"Are you okay?" He asks me, and I nod my head. Do you ever have that feeling where if you say one word you're going to lose it? Yeah, that was me right now. He grabs my hand and we walk to the car together. He doesn't bother to ask me what's wrong because I know he can see sadness in my eyes.

When we get to his house, I go straight to the guest bedroom and just sit on the bed. I want to cry, I want to let it all out, but for some reason, I just can't.

~~~~~~~~~~

My dad comes and picks me up that night around 8, he doesn't question anything. I guess he just trusts me, or he just doesn't feel like talking about it. Tommy's girlfriend, Penny, is about to leave as soon as I get home.

"Hey Kelsey, can I ask you something?" She questions as soon as I walk in the door.

"Sure," I answer, and she pulls me over to the living room so Tommy can't hear us.

"Am I too young to be in love? Or am I in love too fast?" She asks.

"What do you mean?" I reply.

"Whenever I see Tommy, my heart skips a beat, all these butterflies are in my stomach, my face gets bright red, and I can't help but smile," she says.

"I don't know what love is, but that sure sounds like it's it," I reply, and she smiles.

"Thanks," she states, and then walks over to Tommy and hugs him. I walk upstairs to my room, and lay down on my bed.

Was I in love with James? I mean, I know I really really liked him, but I wouldn't call it love. I just don't know how to feel about anything anymore, I just want my emotions to disappear.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day I honestly can't get out of bed. My dad doesn't feel like arguing, so he just lets me stay home. Kyle texts me around 7 am to ask if I need a ride, I tell him that I'm sick and he tells me to feel better soon. After that, I just go back to sleep, and pretty much all I do all day is sleep. Around one or two, I get up to go make myself some toast. A few minutes later as I begin eating, I heard a knock at the door. I get up and open the door, which was a horrible idea.

There is James. He's wearing grey sweatpants, a black shirt, and looks not as hungover as yesterday, but he does have some dark circles under his eyes. There is a beautiful bouquet in one hand and a brown bag in his other.

"Can I come in?" He asks, and I just kind of freeze for a moment.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well I have lunch and then study hall so I just left at the beginning of lunch to get this stuff for you and then told someone to tell my study hall teacher that I was making up a test," I answer.

"So you sneaked out?" I reply.

"Well, I see it as more of a gesture to show you I care," he mumbles, and I step out of the way so he can walk in. He hands me to bouquet, and I immediately walk to the kitchen to find a glass vase to fill up with water and put the flowers in. He follows behind me and sets the brown bag on the counter. 

"What's in it?" I ask.

"Drugs," he replies, and I freak out a little, but then he laughs so I know he's joking. I open it up and see about eight Cheryl's cookies which are my favorite.

"You remembered," I mutter as I pull them out.

"That when you are sad or sick those are your favorite to binge on? Yeah, of course I remembered, it was the first thing I thought of when I heard you were sick," he states.

"Wait how'd you know I was sick?" I reply.

"I heard that guy you've been hanging out with talking to someone," James explains as he sits down at the table.

"Kyle?" I ask.

"Yeah, he and this other guy were talking and the other guy asked where his girlfriend was. Kyle didn't deny it so is it true?" He asks and I can hear his voice get sad at the end.

"No, he probably just didn't deny it because the other guy probably wouldn't believe him," I answer, and he sighs of relief. 

"Are we um still together?" He asks.

"James when I left you in your car that was the end," I mumble, and he doesn't say anything.

"I think you should get back to class, but um, thanks for the cookies," I state, and he just walks out. 

What on Earth am I supposed to do?

~~~~~~