When I Was Fifteen

Chapter 15~ Ugly Things Can Be Beautiful

There is James. He looks like a mess, probably because he is hungover, but he is carrying a target bag and a couple dandelions.

"Good morning princess, thanks for last night. I went and picked up a little treat for you and some flowers, sorry I couldn't find any super nice ones at Target and I was rushing to get here," James says.

"Dandelions are weeds," I reply.

"No they're not, dandelions are beautiful," he says.

"Even ugly things can be beautiful," I mutter, and look down at my feet.

"Can I come in?" He asks.

"I don't think that's a good idea, maybe you should go," I mumble.

"Well, at least take the bag," he states.

"I can't accept this. I don't want your gifts," I reply in a soft voice.

"Then what do you want?" He asks, a bit too aggressively.

"Time, and space, those are the only two things I need," I answer, and then he turns around. As he walks to his car, I hear Tommy walking up behind me. I shut the door, and walk past him before he can even question anything.

God, why am I acting like this? Last night, I was ready to forgive James, and now I want time and space? Why am I so cliche? I don't understand what I am feeling at all, I just know that this morning I wasn't happy to see him, but it could just be my morning attitude....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day, I called Kyle and asked him to pick me up. I just wanted to drive around and talk. I don't know why driving calms me, maybe it's the fact that you just keep moving? Well, sometimes you do have to stop.

Anyways, he said he would be there in a half hour. So, I honestly just sat on the couch and stared at a wall till he showed up. When he did, I was so thankful, my thoughts had begun drowning me.

I hugged him and we hopped into his car. As we drove around, it was dead silent, not even the radio was on. After a few minutes, the silence was killing me so I just blurted everything out that was on my mind.

"Yeah I don't think you're ready to get back together with him," Kyle states.

"Neither do I," I mumble as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

"Plus I don't want you to," he whispers.

"What? Why?" I ask, and he doesn't say anything.

"Kyle?" I add.

"It's nothing, never mind, just I need to take you home," Kyle states.

"Um okay," I mumble.

He takes me home and it feels really awkward. When he drops me off, he doesn't even say goodbye, or even look at me.

I go inside and head straight upstairs. I lay down on my bed with my back up, almost instantly I fall asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing else exciting happened until Monday. Well, I shouldn't say exciting, but you'll get what I'm saying in a second. Anyways, I walk into school and I feel dead. I put my coat in my locker, go to the school store to buy a kick start, and then go to class. I got here really early this morning and I still had thirty minutes till class actually started. I pull out a book I bought yesterday and begin reading it. It's called Milk and Honey. I honestly only got it because the cover looked cool, but it's actually really interesting. I am reading it when all of a sudden the book is tugged away from me.

"Hey!" I yell before I see who it is.

"Kyle?" I question.

"I'm sorry that I ditched you that one day, I don't know what's wrong with me, but I know now that I need to tell you this," Kyle explains.

"What is it?" I ask, he takes a deep breath, and sits in the chair in front of me.

"I saw James,  before I saw you that one day. He was walking around your neighborhood. I pulled up next to him and he said hello. I'm guessing he knew who I was, or at least he knew we were friends. He looked really hungover, and he told me something," Kyle states.

"What did he tell you?" I question.

"That he can't wait till you guys are back together so he can string you along again," he mutters, and my jaw drops.

"No, no way," I mutter.

"I'm sorry, Kelsey, but I just had to tell you," he says. He tries to grab my hand but I pull it away.

"No!" I yell.

"Go change for gym. I just wanted some alone time to read on the bleachers," I add, and he walks away.

~~~~~~~~

I only last half a day before I go to the nurse and have my dad come pick me up. I feel sick just knowing that James is in this school. I caught a glimpse of his curly hair and his hazel eyes, and I almost vomited. Right in that moment, I felt butterflies, and that's when I knew how I felt about James. The feeling was so strong that it almost made me faint.

Anyways, my dad didn't ask questions, he took me home and went straight to his room. That's all he did lately, except maybe go out to random places every once in awhile and he would pick us up if needed, but he never really talked. I miss my mom so much. She still hasn't called me back, or texted, or wrote a letter, or an email, or anything. I just miss her so much, she would know what to do. I also miss Cora. She's the only person other than my mom who could help me. Thalia had been my friend my whole life but Cora still somehow knew me better.

I just wish I wasn't losing everyone.