When I Was Fifteen

Chapter 28- You Decide Your Fate

The next few weeks go by and I'm still a mess. It's now late March and my life still feels like a disaster. James seems to be getting happier and happier on social media, while I seem to just be shutting down even more. If I saw James at school, he was always talking to someone new, almost as if our breakup made him popular, well, he was kind of popular before. He never seemed to have a set of best friends just if we were at the mall or a restaurant it seemed like he always knew five people there. Maybe it's just because he's older.

I rarely saw him though since I hardly would go to school, so somehow my dad managed to make it so my classes are all online. He said that as long as I got a B or above in my classes, he would let me do online school or I would need to go back.

Cora comes and visits a lot. Slowly, her visits get shorter. She tells me it hurts her too much to see me like this, and it hurts me too. I don't even know who I'm looking at when I look into the mirror.

The only time I leave the house is to see my mom. Sunday's are our day together. We hang out from 10 am to 10 pm, and part of me wishes I could just move in with her, but then I would constantly see Lindsay. However, Lindsay has tried to apologize numerous times, and it is starting to seem less sketchy each time because she seems sincere. I don't know if I can ever accept her apology and forgive her though.

Tommy and Penny are stronger than ever. It shocks me how in love they are at their age. Though, there was a time when the way Penny looks at Tommy, I looked at James the same way. Their was always a little twinkle in my eye and even though I couldn't see it, I just knew that was the way I looked at him.

Today is Saturday. Tommy and Penny left to go to some middle school dance. My dad was taking them and then he was going on a date, so I was going to be home alone till probably Midnight. Tommy is allowed to go to Penny's till after Dad's date and last time my dad had a date, he didn't get home till then.

My dad had gone on a couple dates with this woman he met on Asian Mingle. Neither of them are Asians but somehow they both were on there. I guess you sign up for everything when you really want to find a date. I hadn't met her yet but my dad showed me a picture of her. She has red hair, green eyes, and a lot of freckles. The only thing that weirds me out is my dad is almost ten years older than her, but I guess the older you get, the bigger age gap you can have when dating.

Anyways, my plan was to watch a ton of ridiculous Lifetime movies, eat way too much popcorn, and have a full 2 liter of Dr. Pepper. I grabbed everything I needed and headed to the living room. The first movie was fine but by the second one I started to feel nauseous, maybe because of the amount of blood in the movie. I decided to turn off the TV and just take a nap.

As I fell asleep, I was really thinking about a lot of things, the main thing was if I should go back to school. I miss Cora. I haven't talked to Kyle in a while and I needed to also check in on Tay.

I slept for a bit and I ended up waking up to the sound of a knock at the door. I looked at the clock and it was about 8 pm. It was really dark outside so I decided not to check it, but then they knocked again. I crept over to the door and peaked out the window.

I saw this guy, Nick. He has light brown hair, emerald eyes, and tan skin. Nick has freckles dotted all over his body.  He has really trendy big, black glasses. He and James are pretty good friends and lately Nick and I had been DMing a bit. He had come over  a week ago which is why he knows where I live.

"Hi?" I say with confusion as I open the door.

"Sorry, I know I should have texted first but I saw your tweet about a movie marathon and wondered if I could join?" He asks, holding up two full bags of Swedish fish and sour patch kids, the only kinds of candy I actually eat.

"Sure, um come on in, you just have to leave by  11 okay?" I question.

"Am or Pm?" He asks as he walks in and winks at me.

"Pm, 11 pm today," I answer and he stops laughing as I shut the door. We walk over to the living room and lays down.

"Hey, I was sitting there," I state as I sit next to him and I almost fall off the couch.

"Too bad," he says and I roll on top of him.

"Move or my weight will crush you," I growl and he laughs. He slaps my butt and I blush a little.

"Nick!" I yell and then we both start laughing. As we start to calm down, he pulls back a piece of my hair that was blocking my face. Then he starts to move his head up as if he's going to kiss me but I jerk back.

"No," I mumble.

"Sorry, guess I got the wrong vibe," he says and sits up.

"No! No that's not it! Just I'm not ready to fully commit to someone. I'm not over him yet," I reply.

"Kels, let me tell you something okay?" He states and I nod my head.

"I've known James since freshman year. He's a cool dude but this is what he does. He likes a girl, goes after her, and when things don't work out he gives up for awhile. It depends on what you do now. In the past, if a girl has reached out to him and has wanted to date again, he will. If the girl ignores him, he will ignore her. You decide your fate," Nick explains. I don't say anything, and I want to go against what he says and say he's lying, but I know he's not and that's what scares me the most.