The Bitter Taste

Chapter 17: The Deal

Her emotions were those unspeakable as the noble undoubtedly had her in his clutches. There was almost no way Jane could resist such an offer as what the Earl just mentioned. When did he even figure out that a college entrance was exactly what her heart had yearned for? What her mother must have wanted for her?

"Just say yes" he said, his hands tightening its grip around the young lady's arms like a rusty cuff. "I know this is what you want. What you came to London for." His voice was like the ones you hear from the most villainous antagonists in detective novels, trying to tempt their victims into falling down their own demise.

"Why are you doing this?" She asked. "Why cant you just be patient enough to finish whatever business you have with my uncle and simply bear it?"

"Because its not what I want. It displeases me and I want nothing more than to leave this place and go my own separate way."

"Then what!?" She exclaimed, her hands trying to claw its way towards any sort of contact that could make him feel any pain - any pain at all. "Are you going to continue living your life as a crooked man?"

He paused. "I've heard them all before, but they're all wrong." The Earl said. "They don't know me nor the way I think so what makes them have the right to judge me."

"You're so oblivious!" Jane had given up struggling and decided to stand stiff. There were countless of things she really wanted to scream at his face for being so stupid, but figured that if she began now, everything she was about to say would come out to be completely incoherent, which apparently didn't seem to stop her from doing so anyway.

"Can't you see by your own actions that its already affecting everyone around you? The reason why Mr.Barnett is doing this is because he's thinking about the greater good of society. He hopes that you would be reformed into a fitting Earl so you could do your job a whole lot better in the future. He's doing this for your mother." Jane screeched, her inner thoughts being voiced out in a not so melodic symphony. "Your mother..." She said. "She must be one of the strongest women in this world to have had no choice but to deal with you. When will you ever realize that... She loves you? That you're so lucky to actually still have one woman in your life that'll never go against you and your despicable ways?"

As of this moment, Jane wasn't thinking of whether doing this was the right thing or not, or if shouting out all the pain caged inside would have served to be more of an inconvenience than the opposite. It was her sheer curiosity of the Earl's true motives for having to go this far just to find his way out of the manor in a more legalized way. What did he really want? Was it solely the fact that staying here didn't seem to be what he wanted? Or was there more that she didn't know?

"Say, do you have a mother Ms.Hackett?" The Earl released his hands from Jane's arms and settled them beside him, calm and unmoving as if he had not just made them hurt earlier. His head was slightly hung and Jane could immediately notice the sudden change in his tone. However, before she could reluctantly make a coherent answer, he spoke up first.

"Because I know I never did." He said. "But you were not wrong when you said I still had one woman left - one that never left my side despite the odds." The Earl balled up his fists at his sides so hard that they nearly shook. "Such terrible, disappointing, ugly, resentful odds!" His pitch went higher and higher at each negative adjective.

Jane looked up at the Earl. Some of his blonde locks had fallen to hide the majority of the right side of his face like a mask. It was only then that she realized how considerably long his hair actually was. The young lady was shocked but at the same time confused on what he just said. A woman? She never would have thought that he had someone special within the midst of all the temporary relationships the viscount claimed he had gotten himself into from the pubs downtown.

"Ms.Hackett, I cannot help but say that you have never felt such utter misery that I have felt. You will never understand the pain I have to suffer from every single day, knowing that everything you have ever wanted is always right in front of you yet barely close enough to touch." He said as he gazed up at Jane. "Do you know the feeling!?" The raspy texture of his exclamation rang in both their ears, sending paralyzing chills to not only their spines, but all over their body.

Jane stood still, so speechless and so helpless. There was a long pause between them and the Earl could only stare at Jane's quivering figure. Tears have already found their way down her cheeks, which were already so red and plump from all the crying. The young brunette couldn't think properly as a million thoughts have invaded her mind, scattered and completely  disorganized that she wasn't able to decipher what was best to say at this moment. She has felt the pain. Too much pain in fact, that she began to wonder what was the highest possible degree it could reach. So much pain, that she began to actually lose herself, throw away the happiness she has yet to remember from the past and is trying to remember today. So much pain, that she wasn't even sure of what she truly wanted or needed since her systems have all went numb. "As far as my mind can remember, I'm pretty sure I know that feeling very well." So much pain, that she forgot what happiness meant.

The Earl sighed and rested his hand on his uncovered face. Everything was drained out of him. His confidence, wits and whims seemed to disappear for the first time after so long that he started to wonder how the bloody hell he had gotten himself so vulnerable in front of someone like Jane. "We're not getting anywhere." He muttered. Suddenly, a chuckle had escaped his lips and the young lady almost wished that the wall she was leaning on could suck her in so she wouldn't have to witness it. 

However, the brunette remained silent, simply standing against the wall with her back slightly crouched in an un lady-like manner - not like she cared though.

"Alright, you win Ms.Hackett." He said. "If you really won't agree to my request then I will no longer force you to. But if there is even a single spark in your mind, telling you that agreeing to a deal in order to enter a college is far more easy than having to spend so long in a bookstore trying to gain your earn, then remember that I am always waiting right here."

Jane thought her hardest. She really did. Gathering all that she learned from her years of low quality education and her father's influence on making life-changing decisions, she did her best to think about what would be the better choice. If going to a college was what her mother truly wanted for her, then thinking twice was not going to be an option to Jane, especially now that the opportunity was right in front of her and ready to grab. Yes, she would probably have to lie, have to deceive, and have to lose things she never expected was worth having, but if it meant that she would be able to achieve her goal, then damn it all to hell.

The Earl stepped back and raised his head, his hair finally clearing from his face. "Well, I suppose it's quite late. I will retire for the night."

Jane caught the man's arms half forcefully and half fearfully, still aware that it was very improper for a woman below his social status to do such an action. But as she realized that there may be more touching to come anyway, she bothered herself little about it. "Wait." She said. "Explain to me how you have access to the colleges around here and I may reconsider."

The Earl turned around to face Jane with a smirk plastered on his face. It wasn't as strong as his other ones though, that she noticed. "Is that a yes?" He asked.

"Don't get ahead of yourself." She said, using the back of her other hand to wipe away the sweat and tears present on her face. Jane looked like a dog in a way - pawing at her warm skin after a tiresome event.

"Alright then, but first you must fix your mannerisms. Seriously Ms.Hackett, and you call yourself a woman?"