The Bitter Taste

Chapter 42: Running

A slap flew across his face, wiping skin with red paint; that's what it looked like.

At first, his widened eyes didn't dare comprehend what had just happened. After the silence succumbed into him however, he spoke. "Ms.Hackett, if you're trying to stop me from loving you, it isn't going to work."

"Stop talking like you can manipulate me!"

"Manipulate? If there's anyone in Berkshire who'd do that to you, it isn't me!" He said. "Ms.Hackett, I suggest that you breath in. Try to calm down, and then speak. What's wrong? Why did you suddenly just slap me?"

Jane put her hand up to cover her face. Soon enough, she began to sob. "I d-don't know anymore, I- I can't understand what the bloody hell is wrong with me!"

He looked sadly at the woman before him, and took a hefty inhale. "Then please explain." he said. "I don't care if it will take up all night... just tell me what got you to break down like this." 

After moments of quiet contemplation, Jane finally settled down. 

"I honestly cannot certainly discern." She said, wiping her eyes with her wrist. "I cannot believe that it was only this - what had happened earlier - to be the cause, and not a whole bunch of a million things combined." 

"If you'd allow me to hear, I would listen earnestly." 

Jane shook her head. "I doubt." 

"You can test me." he said, sternly holding her gaze like a chain to a dog. "Ms.Hackett, please... I need to know that you're fine. I need to know that you aren't wearing some sort of heavy melancholic cloud over your head." 

Jane broke their stare. "What if I did..." She said in a half-whisper, her voice as cold and dry as her emotions. 

"Jane... you're not telling me that you're-" 

But the viscount decided not to precede with his assumptions. Vigorously, he shook his head and clasped unto her palms tightly. 

"It's not true." 

"There's a possibility." She replied. "I know myself more than anyone else. Or at least, well enough to say that my head hasn't been all that jolly for a long time." 

Her eyes were dull, her cheeks pale, and her gaze so so blind. 

"But you cannot be truly sure about this! Perhaps it's just a phase?" 

"A phase wouldn't have lasted more than half my lifetime!" She said, even the pitch of her voice was changing to be awfully dreadful. 

Jane spared a weak chuckle. "For someone who came all this way to the city for something as bland as happiness... I cannot find something so irrevocably ridiculous. I shouldn't have been so naive." 

"Don't say that Ms.Hackett. I fail to see how you would find the right. Have you really tried?" 

"Mr.Runciman, I've worked in a newly opened bookstore, only for it to close shortly. I associated myself with different people, far from those of my social level, and got out of my comfort zone just so that I could try to gain connections. All for naught. I was pushed into agreeing upon a deal I never wanted to take in the first place, and yet I was still so stupid enough to join in anyway, even if it may have risked my life." She explained. "Looking back now... I've drifted so far away, without even realizing it. And to only get worse? Only to get rejected? I can't even- even bear the fact that I've fallen for a ruthless, cold, immature, crooked noble as the Earl!" 

"You... fell for the Earl?" he said. 

"I couldn't think of any other reason as to why I would feel this devastated really. I didn't even waste my time running away the moment he announced that he had cancelled our engagement." 

"So it really was true." he said. "But I am still confused. You didn't agree on this engagement because you truly felt anything towards him, did you?" 

"I did not. Hell, I'd curse myself for all eternity if I ever did." she said, shaking her head with a sarcastic laugh. 

"but why did you... say that you loved him?" 

"if there's one thing I learned about this entire ordeal, it's that it comes unexpectedly, and maybe at the worst times possible." Jane said. "which is why I'll probably try my best to avoid it." 

"But you can't." 

"True statement, but simply deniable." Jane said. "Deniable... yet very believable. I've given up. I'm leaving first thing tomorrow." 

"I'm afraid you cannot, Ms.Hackett. The Barnetts are expecting you to be safe and enclosed in my manor for the time being. And until they return to fetch you tomorrow, you cannot roam mindlessly." 

"I know, Mr. Runciman, I had once believed your hair and eyes were all you needed to keep people from leaving you, but after knowing how you truly are, I'd beg to differ otherwise." 

"Everyone who has ever known me has thought that, but I consider it more as a perk than a hindrance." he said. "I think it's time I leave you be." 

"About time, I'd say." 

"well, I hope you will one day see that I mean no harm." he said. 

The viscount left the edge of her bed and stood up to leave. However, before he was about to close the door shut, he halted. 

"I trust that you'll take care of yourself tonight. Please try to sleep, and not think too much. It'll worsen your condition." 

At that, he gently closed the door and stepped back into the dark hallways of his manor. Within his walk, he had caught sight of a skipping figure approaching him. 

"Big brother! You're back!" 

"Yes, Reynalda. I'll be taking my rest now, you should too." 

"Sorry, big brother." she said. "I guess I'm just a little too excited for tomorrow." 

"Excited to go to a hospital? Oh no, that doesn't sound right." He said, picking her up in his arms. "I don't know of any child who'd want to see the doctor all the time." 

Reynalda merely giggled. "It isn't the doctor I want to see." 

---

After the Earl had a long talk with the Barnetts about his workings and schemes, he was bounded in his room. The hidden marriage was all the more mind-boggling in their ears, knowing that he had just used a woman in the pursuit of his own selfish benefits under the word of something as precious as love. It wasn't love though - he knew. At least, it wasn't before. 

Now, he knew for certain that he felt love, but the cages were barring him again. His room was dark, as if trying to tell him that there was no way out of this mess. The sheets were resting on his lap, as if telling him 'go to bloody sleep'. And the whispers of the blowing wind coming from his carelessly open window came crashing upon his face like a slap - you bloke.

He hated this. He hated it to the bitter end. But he hated it more that he wasn't able to run after Jane like the way Mr.Barnett's hand did to his own consciousness. 

The Earl abruptly stood up from his place on the bed and stood on the cold floor with bare feet. He had already changed his formal clothing to those of his nightwear, but right now, he needed to go immediately. It was just like that morning when he spontaneously decided to visit his mother, except that his current clothes were to stay. He had no time to change back.