The Bitter Taste

Chapter 26: Love

The Earl was three things - confused, sleepy and hurt. As for the last quality, he had quite the difficult time trying to figure out why. But as of the moment, he also felt, deep inside his crooked heart, that he already knew the reason.

"Tell me what happened." Said the Earl as he returned his gaze back to Ms.Vanderbilt, looking more serious than ever before as shown by the way he furrowed his eyebrows and wrinkled his forehead.

The young noble hugged her legs tighter as she recalled the situation that just took place a few hours ago. She remembered the way the Viscount looked at Jane and the way he softly kissed her. However, as she recalled this, she sighed at the memory of seeing Jane together with the Earl the night before. She knew that she couldn't possibly hold any right of telling the Earl that they actually kissed, despite knowing the fact that he had the right to know. So she decided that she wouldn't yet.

"I saw them together inside the newly opened bookstore, which was empty of any owner." Ms. Vanderbilt said, looking down at the duvet out of refusal to meet his eyes. She was never really good at hiding things whenever looking straight into one's eyes. "He looked at her as if she was his lover and, I felt really hurt."

"Did she not reciprocate?" Asked the Earl.

Ms. Vanderbilt furrowed her brows in a thinking manner, looking out at the window. "Now that I think about it, she just sat still." She said. "With open   eyes. No rather, with shocked eyes."

Ms. Vanderbilt chuckled at the memory. The farm-girl definitely looked cute whenever desperate times call. At least this time, she gave one good reason not to despise her.

"With this, I could safely assume that she doesn't really feel the same way as Mr.Runciman, however we cannot be too sure." Said the Earl.

And now, a second reason too.

"So what does that mean?" Ms. Vanderbilt asked. "Does this mean that his affection for her isn't returned, and that mine isn't either?"

"Well, I feel like it is quite ironic, the way things have come to be." The Earl said as he intertwined his hands together. "But don't you think simply concluding that he has absolutely no love for you seems rather... let's say... too depressing?"

"Well yes but, if it's true then it's true, and I can't do anything about it."

"While that is so, don't lose hope yet." He said. "I know that I am in no position to say this but, you two were meant to spend your lives together, regardless of whether this was a fixed marriage or not, because either way, your heart would have found its way to him and him alone." He added.

Ms.Vanderbilt could only blankly stare at the Earl, her mouth choking on the words that couldn't be let out. Saying that this was dumbfounding would be an understatement, since there was never a time that the young noble ever heard him exploit such wisdom. 

"Sure maybe if you two weren't arranged to get married by your parents, then maybe you would have met someone else, probably fell in love with another man, and he, another woman, but nevertheless, the present situation still stands bold and nothing can change that." He said.

"B-but, even so-"

"It doesn't matter if he ends up loving her instead of you, Amelia." He said. "You can only know what true love really is through time, and if you haven't gone through that long process yet, then you can never say for sure. And the viscount is still an utter fool in that area; that I can assure you."

His hands had already met the fragile ones that she had used in tightly grasping the hems of her dress, firmly holding them into the warmness of his palm. "It's okay." He said. "Feeling pain... it's unbearable... but it's part of the long process. Sometimes you just want to vomit all the contents you have storming inside your system and declare yourself empty and unfeeling, but please don't." He added. "You'll only know regret if you even try to consider. Take this from experience."

Before he was able to say another word, Ms.Vanderbilt pounced at him and spread her arms wide open in order to fully wrap them around his torso. He could feel faint warm drops of tears finding itself soaking the expensive fabric of his nightwear, but he didn't mind.

"Thank you." She said, quite muffled. "Thank you so much."

Slowly and a little hesitantly, the Earl wrapped his own arms around her, and welcomed the warm feeling into his heart. This was probably the first time out of the many monochrome years that he has lived, where he ever gave out such words to someone, moreover to the woman he had once fallen in love with and tried so desperately to pursue - in which the woman already had someone else in mind whom she was trying to pursue herself.

It was a really sad turn of events.

"He kissed her." Ms. Vanderbilt whispered softly and a tad bit shakily as she was about to let go. However, despite her efforts in making it sound subtle, she couldn't avoid the signs from the way he suddenly went stiff like a statue, and the way he paused everything - including his breathing - for a short moment.

As Ms.Vanderbilt sat slightly crouched in front of the Earl, she gulped and gave one quiet sigh. "You deserved to know."

The Earl furrowed his brows. "Why didn't you tell me in the first place?"

Ms.Vanderbilt looked down. "I didn't know how."

Mr.Chichester covered his face in his palms and swiftly slid it upwards towards his messy hair. He then gave out a hefty sigh and looked back up again to face Ms.Vanderbilt. "I cannot fathom." He said, averting his eyes again somewhere else, looking so given up and so frustrated. "I just... I just don't understand why she didn't look away."

"So you and Jane were really... lovers?"

The Earl blinked a couple of times, and wrinkled his forehead at simply the thought of such a conception ringing his head like a doorbell. He took some time to think about Jane and himself, study everything from the first day they met until the present, and analyze every significant movement she made from the past months of knowing her, and the effects that had influenced him in such a degree that was absolutely unexplainable. Everything couldn't be explained, just as how he failed to understand the little microscopic sensation hidden within some beating part of his body. There simply was no way to say it in such a way that was in any means logical.

It was crazy.

"Uhm, Henry." She whispered. "Are you alright?"

The Earl ripped away from his thoughts and averted back his gaze to the lady sitting beside him.

"Yes, and I think I've just gone insane." He said, chuckling a bit. "For only a moment of course."

"Why? What were you thinking about?" She asked.

"I'm actually not quite sure, but it's perhaps nothing as important." He said, sighing from a mixture of relief and stress. "Just Love."