The Bitter Taste

Chapter 44: Uncertainty

"There is an equation when it comes to love, regardless of whether people deny it or not. When you love, you need to let the other person know it, or else they'll never receive your feelings. Thus, you cannot truly love nor be loved if you cannot express."

"That sounds too strict when referring to something as free and as limitless as love."

"That's because you don't understand the fact that everything has its limits."

The marchioness sipped on her precious china tea cup, and merely watched as Henry raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know Jane." She said. "but I certainly know you well enough to say that you cannot express love in such a way that it is noticeable, even if it was to save your own life."

"Well that's harsh."

"And right about now, I can easily assume that the reason behind your request of cancelling the engagement is because you feel as if she won't ever return your feelings." She said. "Which is quite adequate to reason knowing how you are, and how you acknowledge your utterly despicable behavior."

"Well, yes. It does seem quite obvious to say that she will never feel the same way as I do. I can only count the number of times I've made her upset under the Barnett's roof."

"You can say that, or you can say that your judgement of obvious is rather blind." she said. "Tell me Henry, is it always the case that a master would hate his slave and vice-versa?"

The young noble pondered for a moment before speaking with grave conviction. "It is highly probable!"

"Highly probable, but merely an assumption all the same." She said, taking another sip. "No, Henry. It is not always the case that a master would loath his slave. There are times when the master might even fall in love with his slave, despite the many demands that he may acquire."

"But that doesn't make sense. If the master loved the slave, then he wouldn't even demand for the slave's services. Perhaps even eradicate the slave's position as one of the lower class if he could."

"Yes, my point exactly. But Henry dear, he did nothing of the sort." The marchioness said. "Connect it with your relationship with Jane, and think harder. Are you really sure that she doesn't feel anything for you, and don't you also wonder whether she's conflicted with the same thoughts as yours as well?"

The older lady placed her slightly wrinkled hand on the Earl's smooth ones, enveloping it with warmth. On the other hand, the noble was cut off of any words that were about to leave his tongue. He said nothing, but his mind was storming with thoughts and questions alike.

"Your father and I... we had a similar kind of conflict during our younger days." She continued on. "You see, he was the kind of person that held a stone face, was more uptight than most men, and didn't like to engage himself in activities that didn't meet his interests. He was just like you in a way. On the other hand, I was the woman that socialized freely, didn't miss out on too much, and loved to discover new things. We were polar opposites. So, when I discovered that I was arranged to marry him, I felt like my entire world was going to crumble. He didn't like to express his feelings, even if I truly tried to myself, and it just sort of... formed an atmosphere of uncertainty."

The Earl looked up at his mother after having stared at his lap for a long time.

"You and father? So you- all this time, you never truly loved each other?"

The marchioness merely laughed on her seat. "No no Henry, I wasn't finished." She said. "You know me, if I let that happen, then I probably wouldn't even be here right now."