The Bitter Taste

Chapter 47: No Regrets

Jane definitely should have seen this coming. She knew that his suggestion - finding a little girl in a horse ranch - didn't seem quite logical, but the fact that she went through with it anyway was a much bigger mystery. Right about now, she was trying to steady herself on a horse, placing a firm hand on its neck and another on the reins. She's already ridden a horse before, many times during her youth when her father had more time to teach, but the sweat trickling down her forehead meant that she was still anxious.

"When was the last time you've ridden?" He asked, getting up on his own horse.

When was the last time? She thought to herself. "Perhaps... four years ago?" She said.

"Then that must mean you're feeling a tad unsteady. Can you manage on your own?"

"Of course."

They were both on their saddles, moving slowly up the mount where a forest was located. The ranch seemed to be a place for leisure, noticing how the forest looked kept and preserved, with even ground to lessen the chances of tripping half way through the riding.

"Do you go here often?" Jane asked.

The Earl chuckled. "Starting conversation, eh?"

"Well, you did take advantage of your chances in taking me to a place that little children don't usually go." Jane said.

"You have a point." He said, looking away as he tried to hide the awkward look on his face.

With a smile, Jane shook her head. "But you know it's fine. I find mounting fun, especially with an escort." She said.

The Earl stole a glance at the young girl and then averted his gaze again. "I see..." He said. "Does that... mean that you like my company?"

Jane gulped. She had accidentally entered one of those conversations, and she didn't know how to turn back. "Uh..." She began, clearing her throat. "It's not bad." She said. "You're alright."

"Do you mean it?" His voice sounded almost shocked, looking at Jane with eyes that spelled doubt.

"Yes. I consider you... good company." Jane flashed the Earl a brief smile and looked away almost a millisecond later.

"Oh." He said, and then there was silence.

"Ms.Hacket." He said, looking almost sad. "What do you plan to do, after you find that little girl?" He asked, already hoping to himself that her answer wouldn't trigger much disappointment.

Because he already has a good idea of what it was going to be.

Ms.Hackett kept her lips sealed for a good few seconds until she felt the building heat in her stomach grow thicker. "I... I was planning to leave London and return back home, where I can help my family grow the crops and keep everything safe. I haven't seen them for some time too, and I'm beginning to feel a little homesick." She said. "Not like the Barnett's manor isn't home to me, of course. It definitely is. But it's just... not the same."

"But you were planning to study here. Didn't you already expect such feelings to emerge?"

"Of course I did, but I'm not going to study am I?" She said, sparing him only a short glance. She didn't want to make him feel bad. "I tried. That's what matters. Besides, I... I sort of realized that chasing for a University wasn't what I was supposed to be chasing in the first place." She said, letting almost everything out. Things were peeling, little by little, and she could feel it.

"I was trying to chase happiness." She said, and now she was all bear.

The Earl feel confused at this. "Happiness?" He said. "I've never heard about the idea of chasing happiness. And by the way you say it, it's like you're claiming that you don't have it." He said.