I lost myself in a familiar song, I closed my eyes and slipped away
***
| Bailey |
I lay on my bed next to Melia with my chin resting on my hands, trying to stay awake as she babbles on and on about some new singer she's obsessed with.
"Are you even listening?" She huffs in annoyance as I turn my attention to her and roll onto my back. "I'm trying."
Mel sends me a sympathetic smile and rolls onto her back like I've just done. She turns her head to the right and stares at me for a minute, as if she's contemplating something.
"So, how's chemo?" She finally asks. I shrug, "It's meh. It isn't very fun, but I'm not puking my guts out yet," I joke. She rolls her eyes and suppresses a smile. "I'm sure you'll get there." I sigh deeply and nod. "Yup."
We fall into a comfortable silence as we sift through our phones and just enjoy each other's company. I'm glad chemo has been treating me well so far. I've had two IV treatments already and I'm thankful the hurling hasn't started yet. I'm not looking forward to the side effects at all. The doctors have warned me countless times how hard chemo is on the body and how dangerous is can be. The more I learn about everything I'll be enduring, the more anxious it makes me.
"I'd suggest going out and doing something, but I think your body will beg to differ," Melia teases, although I can detect a hint of sadness in her voice. I hate how upset everyone is over this. They're always worrying about me and I hate being a burden. Especially to my mom. She works so hard to provide for us, and now she has all these hospital bills to pay as well. I just feel so underfoot lately. I'm used to being independent, and now I have to depend on everyone else. That's only going to get worse.
"Bailey?"
"Hm?"
Melia pauses, biting her lip. "Do you think . . . Do you think you'll be okay?"
Good question. If only I knew the answer.
I shrug. It's weird, having such a deadly disease inside of you. It doesn't feel deadly; I've felt worse with the flu. I hadn't even known I was sick; there were no warning signs, no suspicions, nothing. I wouldn't have even been diagnosed if the doctor subbing for my normal pediatrician hadn't been an oncology specialist. We got lucky. Otherwise, there could have been no signs at all. I may have never been diagnosed until it was too late.
"I guess we just have to hope for the best," I say quietly. "Wow, I sound like mom." Melia joins in on my laughter, which is interrupted when mom knocks on my door.
"You girls want a snack?" She asks, sending a sad smile my way. I haven't been too hungry lately, so I shake my head. Melia sends me small, sad frown. I guess chemo is starting to take its toll, slowly but surely.
Mom opens her mouth to protest, but decided against it. "Alright. Let me know if you get hungry before dinner." I nod as she leaves the room and we're left in silence yet again, until my phone rings. Ashton. I feel the guilt wash over me for what feels like the millionth time as I answer the call and force a smile.
"Hey!" Ashton greets. His smile is bright and happy; contagious, like always.
"Hi," I say with a smile.
"You'll never guess what we did today!" I giggle as I listen to him go off on a tangent about how amazing touring is and the once-in-a-lifetime opportunities he's getting.
"So, what's up with you?" He asks after at least ten minutes of rambling and making Melia and I laugh at his over- eagerness.
My smile falters slightly. "Um, I actually have something I need to —" I'm interrupted by a voice on Ashton's line as his gaze shifts to the owner of the voice and his face falls.
"Hey, I gotta go, but I'll call you soon, okay?" The weight on my shoulders seems to lift and grow heavier at the same time.
"Okay. Yeah, talk to you later. Bye." And with that, he hangs up.
I toss my phone onto the bedside table and face plant into my pillow, emitting a groan. I roll over and hug the pillow to my chest, suddenly feeling frustrated and overwhelmed.
"Hey, what's wrong?" Melia asks, laying down next to me and pulling me in for a hug. I let out another huff and run my hands over my face.
"Ashton still doesn't know," I mumble. Melia raises her eyebrows, "What? Bailey!" I bite my lip and glare at her, her gaze instantly softening. "I just, I don't want him to worry about me, but it's killing me keeping this from him. I was going to tell him, and then he had to go and I just don't know what to do!" The tears have started spilling by now and I quickly wipe my eyes and regain my composure. Melia rubs my back soothingly, "It's going to be okay. Just tell him when you're ready." I nod. "He's going to hate me. It's already been a month since I found out!" I should have told him when I told everyone else, but I just can't bring myself to do so. Melia gives me another sad smile. I've been getting a lot of those lately...
"Then, he gets mad. But he's your brother. He couldn't possibly stay mad at you forever. Just tell him, let him react, give him time, and then explain. Everyone makes mistakes. It's going to be okay." I purse my lips and nod. I miss him. I miss talking to him about these kinds of things. I miss his reassuring smile and warm enveloping hugs. But I'm also terrified he'll be angry at me. I'm sure he will be. I'll just have to take Mel's advice.
"Thanks, Mel," I say as I squeeze her, "I don't know what I'd do without you."
A/N - this was sort of a filler chapter but come on Bailey, you can't keep this from your brother forever! Tell him already! Do you guys have any thoughts or predictions? Comment them, I'd love to hear! Xoxo - Em :)
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Unbroken | Ashton Irwin's Little Sister (COMPLETED)
Fanfiction[COMPLETED] "I'm not going to let this define me, and I'm certainly not going to let it destroy me." In which Ashton's sister is hiding a secret that will change both of their lives.
