Unbroken | Ashton Irwin's Little Sister (COMPLETED)

Chapter 17

When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on. Don't let yourself go, everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

***

| Bailey |

I find myself wishing I could be a child again more and more often. I don't want to wish my life away, but how can I not long to be a child again? Everything was much easier when I was five. But then again, being fifteen isn't supposed to be this hard. At least, I don't think it is. The thought of dying constantly looming over my head is kind of a downer, though.

I rest my head on the window and watch the green zip by as we make our way home. I don't want to tell Ashton and Arden I need surgery. I don't want to see their worried and saddened expressions. I don't want any of this.

"It's going to be okay, darling," mom says, reaching a free hand over to grip mine.

You don't know that.

I give her a small smile. It's a simple procedure, right? Dr. Phelps said rarely anything goes wrong, so I should be okay. I'm still not entirely used to the idea of my life now having to revolve around hospitals, doctors, medicine, and needles. And most likely more surgeries. I quickly shake the thought of having more than one surgery away, only to have my heart sink upon seeing Ashton's car parked in the driveway. I'll have to tell him. Now.

I get out of the car and walk inside without waiting for mom. As soon as I open the door, I'm greeted with Michael and Calum screaming at each other, probably over a dumb video game.

"Guys, we're supposed to be planning, not playing video games!" Luke scolds. I giggle as I listen to their obnoxious yelling while I take off my shoes and hang up my hoodie.

"Hey, it's my favorite Irwin!" Luke exclaims as I walk into the living room. "I thought I was your favorite!" Ashton gasps. Calum glances at me before returning his focus to the game; Michael doesn't even look at me. Ashton, however, turns and gives me his full attention as I flop onto the couch.

"Bailey, don't worry, love," mom says gently as she enters the kitchen. Ashton glances at her and then gives me a confused look, "What's there to worry about?"

By now, Michael's and Calum's screaming match has ceased and they all turn their attention on me. I squirm under their many gazes, suddenly feeling uncomfortable even though I've known these idiots my entire life.

"Chemo is damaging my veins, so I have to have surgery to put a port in. It'll be used to give me chemo and also for blood work, so that way my veins don't collapse or get any weaker," I explain. The entire room is silent, and if it was an animated show there would be cricket noises.

"It's going to be fine," Ashton assures after a moment, "I've heard about those before, its an easy operation." His shaky voice begs to differ with his assuring words, but nod anyway.

Everything will be fine.

One can only hope.

***

The boys left around noon after Ashton and Luke finally got Mikey and Cal to cooperate and plan whatever it is was that needed to be planned. Now I'm sitting on the porch swing with a blanket pulled over me, gently swaying and just enjoying the cool yet also warm air.

"Hey," Ashton greets as he emerges from the house. He pulls himself up onto the porch railing and stares up at the architecture thoughtfully before looking down at me. "Are you scared?"

I stop swinging and pull my les up onto the swing, my knees almost touching my chest as I fiddle with the pale blanket covering my lower body.

"Yeah," I admit after a moment. Ashton nods and hops down from the porch railing and slides onto the bench next to me. "Me too. Is that weird?"

I giggle as he slowly pushes the swing back and forth with his feet. "No," I reply.

We fall into a comfortable silence, just sitting and swinging and staring out at the houses across the street as the sun slowly starts to sink below them. It creates long shadows that stretch across the street and the cloudy evening sky is decorated with wisps of light pink and orange.

Another end to another day, each one hopefully getting me closer to remission. The day I heard those dreaded words, the ones that condemned me to a life filled with hospital stays and needles and surgery, is one I'll never forget. I laid awake countless nights, wondering what I did to deserve this. What did I do that was so horrible?

But I didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. That's just how life is, I guess. But I'm done pitying myself about it. I look at Ashton, the amazing and talented brother I've been looking up to basically since I was born. I'm going to fight this. I'm going to fight this horrible disease for mom and Arden and Melia and the boys, and most importantly, for him. And I'm going to win.

A/N - woo another update early bc I'm going to Darien Lake today! The last time I was there was two weeks ago for the 5sos concert . . . I cri.

Anyway, thoughts or predictions? Stay fabulous, ily! Xoxo - Em :)