Dear, Lovely

9:My Best Friend's A Quarterback

~~ Eli ~~

 "You're not going to stop looking at that damn thing are you?" Ray sighed.

I glanced over at him, watching as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. My eyes returned to their current muse, the phone sitting carefully on my lap. From the corner of my orbs, I could see Ray shake his head in disapproval.

"Sorry," I chuckled guiltily, lifting my head up to look up at him again. It was hard to see his facial expression through the dark, but the small lamp post beside the car reassured me he was smiling.

We've been out all night driving around the city, just for fun. Harrisburg isn't that big, but going out for a ride is a good excuse to get out of the house...

And my house was definitely a place I wanted to stay away from for awhile.

"You've been staring at it for the past half hour. Are you alright?" Ray's hands let go of the wheel, which made me realize the car had come to a complete stop.

I looked around, taking in our surroundings, realizing I was in front of the a familiar clean cut, massive driveway, the same one I had left only a few hours ago. The front porch light was a beacon mixed in with the surrounding darkness.  It was rarely turned on, unless we had a visitor.

I'm guessing it was one of dad's phony lawyer buddies. God, they annoyed the living shit out of me.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I placed a reassuring smile on my lips just to convince him. He would bombard me with questions if I told him the truth.

I'm not okay.

The fact that I'm back home already was bothering me. And it was even worse to know that A.R. still hadn't bothered texting me, whoever she was.

"Are you sure? Because you stopped laughing the minute I mentioned A.R. You didn't even laugh at my song! And you usually laugh at everything I do!"

"I'm fi-"

"Should I sing the song again?" he laughed. "Okay, I will. . . I BELIEVE I CAN FLYYY I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE-"

"AH! Okay, Ray! Just shut the hell up! I'm fine!" I spat, the huge goofy smile on his face disappearing in a matter of seconds.

"I was just trying to help. . ." he mumbled, clicking the button to unlock the door.

There's always a part of me that smiles, and laughs, convincing everyone around me that I'm doing well. That's the part of me that's happy, the part of me that loves doing crazy pranks with my best friend, or doing an all-nighter, stuffing myself with pizza .

Then there's this dark side to me. It's always there, no matter where I go. And some nights, it can be really bad, but a lot of the time, it's almost like I'm normal.  Ray, and a few other people, have seen how I really act, behind closed doors. I'm always quiet during family discussions. I don't leave my room for anything but food. I don't talk to anyone but my mom, which is rarely two days a week.

Everyone else in that house has their own lives, each with their own responsibilities to fulfill. And then there's me.

A sad, lonely boy. A boy who is constantly being yelled at for not being like his perfect, little step-brother. Trust me, the 'why can't you be like Tyler' speech never gets old.

I try to laugh about it, but there's always this little part of me that hurts.

There is not a second in my life that I don't question everything around me. Why am I here? Why do I live with people who don't care about me? Will my father ever stop scolding me? Will I ever be good enough for him?