Dear, Lovely

29: Last Minute Decisions

\\ Arielle \\

“The red one, or the blue one?” Rosy questioned, holding up two mermaid shaped dresses up high.  I turn slightly in the dressing room chair I sat on and gave the two dresses a glance.

I sighed, acknowledging the little sparkles on each of gowns she clutched in her tan hands. I looked up to her dark, bright eyes and pointed towards the red one, it was her favorite color and I think it would make her happy if she wore it.

 I wanted Rosy to enjoy her night  with Caleb. She’s been waiting for this opportunity all her life, and I wanted the best for her,

Always.

“The red one” I said with all of the might that was left in me, she gave me a small crooked smile and nodded. “Ok, I’ll show you how it looks in a second.” She chirped and I shot her a forced smile before she closed the dressing room door shut.

It’s scary what a smile can hide. Just a simple flash of your very own pearly whites and everyone thinks you’re ok; when in reality, that is the opposite of what you feel..

Right now I don’t really feel fine, and I’m sure I don’t look fine at all. I haven’t looked at myself for a few days, but judging by the pity in Rosy’s eyes when she first saw me today, I look mortifying.

 My inner core aches, as if there was a powerful flaming fire, burning me from within. I’ve always felt this feeling, or should I call it hopelessness? But not like this, everything hurts. Besides the deep aberrations on my pale skin, it hurts to do anything; to breathe, to move, to speak,

 To exist.

If it wasn’t for Rosy dragging me out of the small pit I have dug myself in, I wouldn’t be here right now; helping her choose a dress for the main event of senior year.

Prom.

I mean I possibly couldn’t say no, could I? I didn’t want to leave such a hard task to be completed by herself, and not to mention the fact that she only had-

“You should try finding one too, maybe there’s a chance you might go” Rosy suddenly blurted, taking me out of the trance I was in. I placed my head back on the wall behind me, and I sighed, letting my warm breath linger on my lips.

“No it’s ok, I’m not going” I replied, thankful that we were the only people in the small vintage shop. I could hear Rosy let out a small huff, followed by a small zipper sound in the distance.

“And why is that?” She questioned, suddenly peaking her head from a small opening through the door. I looked down at the green vomit colored floor, my eyes hurting from the florescent light above.

“I can’t explain..but I just can’t go..I can’t” My voice was soft, almost too soft for her to even hear on the other side. There was a reason I never went to parties or school events with Rosy. When I’m at settings like that I begin to worry a lot. I worry about seeing pretty girls in pretty dresses. I worry about how they might be better than me, shine brighter than me, how they radiate more beauty than I ever will.

I don’t fit in at places like that..what makes you think I’ll fit in this one?

“Is it because of Eli, and Tyle-“

“No, no it’s not because of Tyler, or Eli or anyone! It’s because of me! I can’t go to a place full of people, I’ll have anxiety attack or something Rose..I can’t” I lied, trying my best to ignore the burning in my throat I have become accustomed to.

“Arielle…” She sighed loudly enough for me to hear, and she opened the dressing room door, fully dressed in her gown. I smirked at the sight of her, she looked beautiful, as always. “Listen to me, this is your one night to ignore all the people around you, to feel special for once. Because you are special, and you deserve to feel that way even if it were one night.” She gave me a sad smile, stepping out of the booth, and onto the hall way were I was.