Rockstar Serenade: The Verse

Ch 22: Fall In Love With A Tragedy, Just Like Me

KAILEY~

I had him in my grasp and he had me. Drenched in the rain, all of a sudden, magic happened. It was my moment. It was my bliss. Perfect like any movie scene, only, he didn’t feel me the way I feel him.

Fuck what I said about forgetting about it afterwards. Hours ago just holds too much for me to think and reminiscence. I know it’ll take a lifetime for me to erase it in my memories—the proximity of his face, his eyes clouded with uncertainty and hesitation, the clumps of wet hair over his forehead, most especially the lingering feel of his lips so warm in the cold rain. I asked for one more kiss and he gave it to me willingly.

Smiling like a complete fool, I slap my face.

I. Should. Be. Fuckin’. Asleep.

I toss and turn on my bed, still wide awake, because just like a lovesick fool I can’t seem to get him off my mind. But whenever I remind myself that he doesn’t see me in a romantic way, I bite my lip and clutch my blankets. I couldn’t deny the ache in my chest. Though my head says that it’s perfectly fine this way, because who the hell would want to date a violent girl with no direction in life, my heart screams the opposite.

I’ve always enjoyed his company and all along I thought he felt the same. I’m dead serious about punching somebody for him. He owes me a lot. If it weren’t for me, he wouldn’t get another chance to get into CJA and that’s much of a sacrifice on my part.

Sniffing, I reach for a roll of tissue Cyrille placed on my side table. My head start to hurt now. I turn to my side and a tear rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away immediately, dreading that I might let the dark mood come over me. Crying over him would be pathetic. But the tears have already spilled over my pillows, proving that what I feel for him might be genuine.

Part of me wishes he’d phone me and ask how I’m doing, ask if I feel sick, but he doesn’t. Pathetic girl as I am, I’m still hoping for a text from him. I grab my phone and type him a message asking him if he’s caught the cold, but then I think twice about sending it. I might just be a bother to him tonight so in the end, I erase the message draft. Instead, I dial Brynn’s number, hoping that someone I trust would hear me out, but the receiver says that the contact cannot be reached. She must’ve shut her phone off.

As I scroll the list of my contacts, Terra’s name appears. She’s a night person and still probably awake, so I give her a ring. “Little missy, you called!”

“Hi Terra, how are you doing?”

There’s a pause on the before she speaks. “Why does your voice sound gravelly?”

I feel myself turn pale and nauseous, recalling that Terra is my own personal psychic. She’s got good ears and is already suspecting something by just one sentence of a phone greeting. “Probably the signal or connection problems. I dunno.”

“Oh shut up,” she scoffs, ridiculed. I swallow in horror. Of course Terra wouldn’t believe in some lame excuse “What would make you call at midnight, huh? Spit it.”

“I was just worried about you and Chris,” I say, remembering the way Trevor and I left the two of them before we darted for the park. “You know, things could’ve—”

“Nye nye nye nye fuck your excuses nye nye nye.”

God, that sounded so annoying and funny at the same time. “I’m serious.” It’s part lie and part truth. I couldn’t find the right word to open up the topic about Trevor. On the other hand, I’m also concerned for her, and I know I shouldn’t have left her with Chris. Maybe then the kiss didn’t have to happen. Maybe then I didn’t have to tell him how I feel. Maybe then I didn’t have to be rejected.