The Come Up (Book II) : PRODIGY

Chapter 9 - Barricade

Chanel turns her body towards me, adjusting. I make sure she's comfortable before settling my arms and pulling her against me. Her head rests on my chest and I move my hands up and down her back soothingly. I kiss her forehead lightly every time I think of a line that could have hurt her. The look on her face last night, a look of terror, something broken, is etched in my memory. Her swollen eyes, her damp cheeks and wet clothes. I try not to think about how long she had been crying before I got here.

I try not to think about how many times she's listened to the tape full through. I watch the time displayed on the large clock on the wall. It's missing an actual frame, Just silver pellets formed in a circle and the two lines stemming from the center, ticking in the room silently. I've been watching her sleep, my eyes only leaving her face for a few seconds at a time. I'm so happy to have her here, so happy to hold her. So happy that I can't sleep. Her stomach grumbles. The sound disrupts my thoughts and my eyes return to her face.

"Baby's hungry." I say softly and smile with lips pressed against her forehead, but she is sound asleep. Something tells me she hasn't slept in days and that coupled with the weight loss depresses me. I guess Flex was right, I guess we were both pretty fucked up.

I guess the difference is that I've been fucked up before, it's no walk in the park but I'm a little more used to it.

But I don't like to think about her going through even half of what I've gone through the past month. I buried mine in sex, liquor and music. What did she bury hers in? It wasn't sleep or food. I watch her small arms wrapped around me, her face a little more bony than I'm used to. Her hair looks nice like this, I stare at each individual curl, I haven't seen her without the Hollywood weave in a long time, that's all the pictures they post on the media. But I have my baby here in front of me and she looks so much more beautiful without all the make up and glamour.

I always find myself nursing her back to life after she has hurt me. It didn't make any sense at all. I cursed about it in my song, I hope she forgets that part but if I know her well, she probably won't.

I remember how she sounded the night I called because Flex begged me to. How excited she was but how her voice still sounded a little weak like she was at the edge of breaking. I wonder for a moment if she would do something stupid had I not come here early this morning. I wonder briefly if she's ever thought of taking herself from me, from the world and everyone who loves her. But I pray she knows better than that.

I check her wrists, careful not to wake her and shake my head paranoid.

"You wouldn't do that." I mumble softly.

I close my eyes and listen to her breathing. I rest my head against hers and fall into a deep sleep. The best sleep I've had in months. The kind of sleep where you don't even feel time passing, the kind so peaceful that you don't remember falling asleep in the first place, the kind with no bad dreams, no built up anxiety, no worries. I wake up and Chanel is still fast asleep, confirming my suspicions. She hasn't slept in days because we've been sleeping almost a full 13 hours.

I watch her peaceful face and again feel so happy to have her here with me. I've missed her so much. My heart beats fast for a moment at the thought of losing her or losing this feeling.

Her stomach grumbles to life again.

"Yea, you're starving." I whisper to the sleeping girl.
I begin to unwrap myself from her slowly, weening myself out of her hold. She holds me tighter, a look of sadness and fear creasing her sleeping forehead.