The Come Up (Book II) : PRODIGY

Chapter 10 - Song #1 (Slow Kill)

Verse 1 

How many times you gon hurt me before you cut me open? 

 A slow kill?  You thrive on it , I know that's for certain

One last bullet to my head before you close the curtain

What a nice show you put on, you really put the work in 

Used to keep a nigga warm, now i'm cold as hell 

Had me feelin like fuck it-let's make a fairy-tale 

Had our future carved out all in my jail cell 

But you been bizzy, I could tell, hope he did you well   

I hit the pause button on the portable speaker. It is morning, Day one of the barricade, and though the blinds are closed, the sun peeks its way through the living room, still leaving the large area dimly lit. I sit to the far right side of the white couch, the speaker cuddled into my lap. Chanel sits to the far left, her legs firmly placed on the wooden floors, an inch away from the carpet. Her hands settled into her lap. She stares straight ahead, looking as tense as I've ever seen her. Her curly black hair looks a mess, but at least now it looks moisturized. I held her down and oiled her dry head myself. Last night was all fun and games. But it had to be, because I knew what would come with the rest of the week. 

"Why did you stop it?" Her throaty voice echos through the quiet room. 

"To see if you're okay." I respond quietly. "To see if you had any questions ab-" 

"You said 'what a nice show you put on, you really put the work in', what do you mean?" She questions biting her bottom lip, it seems to keep from tearing. 

"Well.." I started off slowly, choosing my words careful so that she would get the truth and nothing but, as lowly traumatizing as I could deliver it. 

"When I heard the news about Bizzy, I thought everything you've ever felt for me, or acted like you felt for me, was a show. I felt like it was all a lie." I admit. And the more I think about it, the more I have to say, but I pull back. I don't want to hurt someone who is already hurting, the songs were enough and they would be around forever. 

"Because you just wouldn't do that to someone you care about." I end, in the quiet.

We leave the moment to the silence. 

"I wasn't acting." She finally says. 

I nod, accepting it and hit play again. The chorus starts with a sped up sample of Nothing Without You, one of Chanel's songs. It is hard to recognize the song at such high speed and it makes the chorus flawless, but I know that the media would figure it out after finding out what song I sampled. Maybe they would figure it out and then find out what song I sampled later. My voice chimes into the chorus, I can't sing but I did a good job on it then used pitch correct to fix little notes I felt were flat, it wasn't noticeable. 

This is a slow kill, 

I think this is it this time

I guess i'll add it to the scars then add it to the rhymes

I don't think it's gon fix itself 

I'm fuckin bleeding out

I might need some help

The chorus repeats twice and in an instant, I know this will be a crowd favorite. It has everything a hit song needs. Deep lyrics, intimacy, catchy chorus and an insane beat. The sample is definitely a plus and this song is without a doubt one of the best songs I've written to date. But how can I perform it? After going through everything I'm about to go through with Chanel, after fixing us, how can I continue to relive all the pain and hurt in these songs and still forgive her fully? I can barely listen without my heart sinking.