My I ➵ Seventeen - junhui

5.8

"Jun?" The door creaked open. "Jun." Footsteps, and a thud as the door closed. More footsteps. "Jun!" Someone shook his shoulders. "Jun, are you alright?"

Jun snapped out of his thoughts. "Sorry! I'll keep practicing. Don't worry." He picked up some music sheets, scrambling to rearrange them on his lap. He blinked a few times, cleared his throat.

"Junhui." Soonyoung leaned over him, taking the papers away from him. "Jun, I came to tell you to take a break. It's one. In the morning. Go to sleep."

Eh? Jun stared at the clock on the wall. One thirty. He must've dozed off. What a waste of good time, time that could've went to improving his voice. "It's fine, I'm not tired." He reached out to grab the sheets but Hoshi put it behind his back.

"Jun, you need rest. I'm not even kidding. At this rate, your health might be in danger."

Jun's eye twitched. "Who cares about health?" He muttered, standing up and trying to snatch back the papers.

"I do. The members do. Your family does. The fans does. And you should too." Soonyoung said sternly, whisking the papers out of reach as Jun lunged for it. "Take care of yourself. She... she wouldn't want to see you like this."

"Well that's convenient, because she can't see me." Jun snapped, annoyance rising.

"Wen Junhui!" Hoshi's voice commanded authority. "Rest!"

Jun groaned, a sudden wave of weariness toppling over him and he collapsed on the floor, rubbing his forehead. His head was starting to ache again. Ugh. How annoying. He couldn't train with a headache.

There was only a month left before the comeback, and he needed to improve. He needed to show Pledis he was able to pull this off. For Yenling. He didn't have time to mess around like this. If only that Kwon Soonyoung would give back the lyrics-

"Junhui." Soonyoung spoke softly, crouching down besides him and looking him in the eye. "This is about her, isn't it? A secret project you and Jihoon are working on. I've heard."

Jun nodded slowly, not sure where Hoshi was going with this information.

Hoshi examined Jun's hand, and his forehead creased. "And you've been practicing way too hard."

Yenling said something like that about his hands too. Another stab in the chest. Jun desperately tried to ignore the feeling, like how he did for the last few months. Mute the screams in his head, the pain in his heart.

"Jun, forgive me for saying this, but-" Soonyoung hesitated, then continued. "You've dated Yenling for four months at most. That's not even a long time. Yes, you're grieving, but time will heal you. You'll find someone new." He bit his lip, looking at Jun's expression.

Jun willed his face to look blank.

"What I'm trying to say is..." Hoshi took a deep breath, "You'll get over her, someday. So you don't have to do this to yourself. Don't sacrifice your health for someone... Someone who isn't here anymore. Someone who you'll eventually learn to live without."

Anger bubbled inside Jun, but he tried to keep calm. Nobody ever said it to his face, but he bet they were all thinking it. Yenling was his girlfriend for only a short period of time. And here he was, acting as if he lost the love of his life. As if a part of him was missing, and the rest of him wanted to disappear. Sometimes he questioned himself about it, as well. Will he, someday, forget about Yenling and fall in love with someone else? Spend the rest of his life with another partner? Accept her... her... you know, and live happily ever after?

He doubted it. He had this feeling, this feeling in his chest, that Yenling wasn't just another girlfriend, wasn't just someone to remember in past tense. She was something special to him, something irreplaceable. He couldn't explain this feeling. Wasn't the gaping whole in his chest proof? Evidence that healing was going to take way longer than possible. Sign that he might never be able to love someone else this much ever again.