Letters to Harry

Chapter 1: The Beginning

April 19th 2014 - 

Bathroom - At Night.

Dear God,

I don't know what I'm doing on this earth, why I live and who is my true soulmate? -

I mean, please speak to me. I need you now.

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I don't know somehow on this very day, I lose hope. I couldn't cope anymore. Like, what is life? Where do I go from here? I live a pretty good life as a college student here in Sydney, Australia. Pursuing my dreams as a dramatic arts maker but I always know that my passion didn't stop in the arts of giving an actor a life to portray. 

I'm twenty four years old who don't have a real job  and I am not financially independent just yet. I know what you are thinking. I hate when people start to judging me because of my age. I mean, everyone has their own life path and journeys so don't judge. Because that's what I've been dealing all my life.

Trying to be accepted and love are my kind of thing. The thing that I have to face everyday in my life. I feel insecure about my self and I'm afraid to make confrontation with people because I would feel bad about it afterwards.

I don't know why I'm suffering from depression. I guess it all started since I was 12 years old when I got confronted by my very own best friend just because she wanted me to change to be a better person. Looking back now, I guess that's not the right way to do. Hey. I never realized that I'm depressed until I was in my first college year as a freshman in Singapore and I was actually went to a shrink / physiology centre to have a session with the doctor. I went there because I decided to quit my college year in Singapore just after one semester of the degree. I couldn't cope and I wasn't at my best anymore. I feel that I was falling apart and away from God so I knew that time the best thing to do was to quit and take a leap of faith in my life journey - anything that would make me happy again.

My mum didn't believe me that I have this illness. She was really upset when I decided to quit my college year in Singapore. I mean, it was her hope for me to get a degree in a normal fashion way as other people do and I did got a tuition grant from the government that I threw away just like that. But I knew that time, this was the step that I have to take. When the doctor gave me prescriptions drugs I refused to take it because I heard bad story about those things. I felt weird about it too.

All those memories came back today. I don't know what I'm doing in my life and mum wasn't happy about how she raised me either, so I guess that's why I found my self in this very bright lighten bathroom crying holding my toilet paper. After all this conversation that I have with God about my mum's acceptance, my plan on stalking Kate Middleton (She was in Sydney and my gut was telling me to go and chase her), then this conversation came up.

'God, can I just give up? I mean I have this shitty relationship with my man for the past 12 years and I feel he's not the one...... I don't want to lose him either. But can I just asked You something?'

....... (Pause) ....

He gently answered, "Yes."

I asked Him, "May I know who is my future husband?'"

There's this deep silence before God says the word ............

He kindly replied, 'Harry Styles'

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I stopped and wondered. I was shocked.

I was like'Really God?! I mean, the Harry, Harry Styles?!'

He said firmly, 'Yes'

I can't believe what I just hear. I know you'll probably think that I'm nuts talking to my self in the bathroom and praying to God at my very lowest point in my life but that's what I know I should do. It's like my emergency break. 

Depression is not easy to handle with because it comes and goes but when that comes I've always surrender my self to Him above and have a conversation with Him. It has been going on for the past seven years in my life. I can hear clearly inside my heart when He said something to me. I believe in His supernatural power and anything could happen if I say yes to His will. So you never know and all you have to do is just believe in Him.

I was still in awe and surprised to what He replied to me, so I was like 'Are You serious?! I mean, YES! I would really love to be Harry's wife! but is it possible?'

He gently answered, "You will be Harry's wife after he is not famous in One Direction anymore. It's still a long way to come but in order to achieve that you have to be better at your self first. Fix your self up then when the time comes, he will see you and meet you on the street and that very moment he will realize that you are the one." 

Neither did I know that this voice would become the pivot point in my life as a motivation to be the best or when I lose hope years later. 

.........

I asked Him again, 'What about my boyfriend now? I mean we've been together for so long.'

He said, 'You have to let him go. Let him be happy because you will be with Harry Styles.'

With a big sigh I said to Him, 'Okay. Can I just say something? I would do the easiest one first, like losing weight. I'm not ready to let my current boyfriend go just yet because I still love him very much.'

He gently replied, 'You can do whatever you want but you just have to believe that YOU ARE HARRY'S FUTURE WIFE.'

I said to Him, 'Okay.'

And I was lost in my thoughts... 

It's not just this one time God did His miraculous work in my life. I mean I got to meet all my favorite Westlife members in Ireland in their hotels including their wives and children at their very own last concert/ The Farewell Tour. I got to meet up with Harry, Liam, and Niall, plus Louis when they were in Australia last October. I met quite a lot celebrities in my life because I trusted His voice that leads me to meeting up with these celebrities.

That Harry answer was just came up out of no where - You'll probably think that I was hoping He would answer Harry Styles but I wasn't thinking of any names or anything. In fact, I was thinking of my boyfriend that God will say his name to me so I can be with him. 

But nope, He didn't. He said 'Harry Styles' and it's like He told me the path - the purpose - the reason why I was here on earth on that very moment. 

I was still shocked. I went to my bedroom after I was crying, losing hope, and in despair on my tiny little bathroom. I couldn't believe what I just hear and from that day onwards, God showed me a lot of signs telling me that, its my life in the future, FOUR of the church sermons that I attended like every week were actually about believing in His miracle and His life pathway that leads my life to be Harry's wife and I was having fights with my boyfriend that I found we were almost at the death end of our 12 years of relationship.

Author's Note (6th Apr 2017):

3 years later after I wrote those statements above, re-editing this book, that voice still runs true up until today. 

Now Harry is releasing his first single, I don't know what will happen. This voice it's like a journey, like a GPS that leads me closer to Harry. 

Let's begin our journey, shall we?