Letters to Harry

Chapter 4: Life

Living life with so many talents and skills set doesn't guarantee you to be a part of the world.

I don't know how and why but I somehow find my self alone.

Seating in this food court yard in Sydney CBD alongside with the other workers who spent their break eating and all those bunch of things that they do during lunch hours.

I am annoyed. Beyond annoyed. I suppose to go to a fun trip but it has been taken away just like that.

This is the first time in my life that I've taken so much effort to get up in the morning, feeling beyond excited because I feel this is the only two days that I have in life before I go back to my old routine of studying.

I'm sick and tired of being alone. All the time tho I have some friends around with me, but do you ever feel when you actually need them but you cannot find a place to replace the hurt or the memories that you could have today but its just taken away? And yet you are forced to still be able to see the bright future, the purpose behind this, and for the multiple times in my life I asked that question again, "What am I here for?"

I tried to call my friends, my parents, my sisters, all and all I can't seemed to find a whole that is empty and full of hurt right now.

I'm still thankful on my friends tho, they're taking their time out in their busy life just to care for me which made me feel slightly better. But there's this hole that runs deep and I don't even know what or making this hole disappear.

My mind goes like crazy, mocking at my self, knowing that what I believe in my soulmate in the future it's like an impossible mission and yet God really wants me to do it because that's somehow my purpose in life.

'I never said it was easy.'

'You have to given up so much on your life and shape your self up for the better for him.'

Every time I get depressed or annoyed, or found my self in this deep shit of hole again, my subconscious mind kept bringing me to the facts of life and the reality that surrounds me saying, 'Now, what are you going to do? Looking up over twitter and obsessing with Harry again, don't you? Get a life. This things is not real okay? Wake up.'

It's like they're trying to rip me apart knowing that I don't know what to do and what to expect in my life.

I open my Facebook and scroll through the names on my timeline.

'Harold Edward.'

I don't know if he's the fake account or not but it says that he's working towards a new him because he got tired of all people around him.

'Is this a sign?'

Then I open my twitter only to found out his cheeky photo and his pair of socks captured 'I saw you kicking dirt in my eye'

I realized that my jaw is opening, smiling comes through, and I laughed. Hard.

He's filling that hole in my life.

Hurt that is now replaced by joy and smile and happiness

Seeing him and how he sees life, makes my hole inside my heart filled up.

'Is this another sign?'