a place we know| ✓

ten

"And find a place where every single thing you see tells you to stay."
S E E K E R
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December 14th
10:56 AM
New York
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Gunner had been queasy since he left the apartment with Audrey and Leah. Once the icy weather had hit him when they ambled outside, something sickening built up in his stomach and crawled its way up to his throat.

There was no way his girlfriend hadn't noticed, but she kindly decided to keep her questions to herself. Leah was only steps ahead of them and the last thing he wanted to do was make this morning about his unfixable problems when they had been neglecting their daughter's needs for so long. Hence why he kept his suffering to himself.

The once beautiful morning had now turned into a suffocating, dreadful experience for Gunner. As he tried to take a deep breath, his heart thudded against his chest like a prisoner trying to escape its confines. He knew these symptoms too well, but they never ceased to make him feel as though he was being crushed by the weight of the world. His body was being consumed by the withdrawal, and he was starting to slip away.

The itchiness was the first to manifest, his skin prickling like a thousand needles. He dug his fingers into his jacket, desperate to find relief, but nothing could stop the maddening sensation. His fingernails trailed across his flesh in a futile attempt to soothe the relentless itch. The second symptom was the hot sweat that erupted on his forehead, his body betraying him in a cold climate. The sweat dripped down his face like hot lava searing his skin.

But perhaps the worst of all was the restlessness. His body was crying out for the drug, for that sweet release that would take him away from this torture. He felt as though he was being consumed by an insatiable hunger that could never be satiated. It was a craving that gnawed at him, driving him to the brink of madness. The world was now a prison, and he was trapped inside, unable to escape the agony that consumed him.

"...here now. Hey, Gunner, can you hear me? Gunner?"

He hadn't even noticed that the group had come to a halt in front of the imposing brick school building. Audrey's fingers, wrapped in the warmth of her daughter's knitted mittens, tugged at his sleeve, and he felt the weight of her apprehensive stare. 

Gunner couldn't form any words. His body was exhausted.

"Wanna wait out here while I drop her off at her class?" she asked. The sight of her doe-like eyes, filled with a mixture of concern and disappointment, pierced through his numbness.

His body was betraying him, and he couldn't even bring himself to meet Audrey's gaze. As he tried to compose himself, he could feel his muscles beginning to tremble, and a cold sweat broke out across his forehead and back. He knew that he needed a fix soon, but the thought of seeking out Ace made him feel like the shittiest person alive. 

"I'll be out soon, Gun. Hang on for me."

He should have known she'd figure it out. He didn't want to rely on her, but he couldn't help it. She was the only one who understood him and knew how to help him through the worst of it. Despite the shame he felt, he knew he couldn't do this without her.

He hated himself for it. How many times would he continue to use her? He didn't know. 

"Gunner, will you wait? It won't take long."

When she touched his shoulder he winced at the sudden contact and caved in on himself.  He knew he had to keep up the facade of normalcy, but it was getting harder with each passing moment. The tremors in his muscles were getting worse, and his mind was foggy and disoriented.