a place we know| ✓

twelve

"And find a place where every single thing you see tells you to stay."
S E E K E R
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December 19th
1:56 PM
New York
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Gunner didn't last.

He stayed away from heroin for five days. He didn't have his usual fix. He used his last gram of cocaine a week ago and he felt more impulsive than ever. Sleep couldn't provide the peace it once did as he was consistently caught in a carousel of thoughts and cravings. His fingers twitched for the blunt that would usually be nestled between them, his brain ached for its high, and he was beginning to tire of sobriety.

This place wasn't as bearable as it otherwise would have if he weren't in his right state of mind. He was absorbed and so dependent, just for a whiff, a taste, a drop of anything in his veins.

So he contacted the only person he knew could understand his pain: Ace. He gave Gunner what he wanted–crack, dope, Adderall, and whatever else he begged for. In exchange, Gunner was back on the streets for him, dealing whatever was in the bag Ace shoved at him.

He came home two days later with more money than he previously made, a new high and drugs he had to stash somewhere for a deal that would happen later tonight.

Opening the front door with his key, he walked into the apartment and swung it shut behind him. Gunner could sense Audrey and Leah's presence. When he took a turn for their bedroom, his girlfriend walked out, dismayed at the sight of him.

"Hey," he murmured. "Where's the kid?"

"She's in her room."

In the natural light brightening the bedroom, he moved like the shadow he slowly became. Hunched over, sluggish, and irritable after failing to find any semblance of assurance on his girlfriend's face.

"Where've you been for two days straight?"

Gunner struggled with his words, his fingers numb like the rest of his body as he gripped the strap of his duffel bag. "You're not really asking. You already know the answer."

Her eyes dulled as they walked over his form, picking out whatever they could, lips drawn between her teeth. "So much for getting better. You're back to doing Ace's dirty work."

He opened his lips to utter her name but even that required the energy he didn't have. His face bore his chagrin and conflict, voice meek. "This is for us–"

"Yeah, I know. So we can leave this place, so we'll be happy and whatever. I've heard it before, Gunner."

He couldn't even keep himself standing on his two feet. But he nodded and closed his eyes as she shouldered past him. "Hear me out, Audrey. I really don't want to keep doing this but what else is there? I got us three thousand last night. It was that easy. Don't you want that? The money?"

He kept swallowing, and his throat kept clenching, but no matter what he could not stop the warm feeling rising through his chest. He trailed behind her into their room and locked it behind them. "I have another deal tonight and," he set the bag on the floor, pulling the zipper, revealing neat brown packages, "if I sell these, we can make fifteen grand by the end of the night."

Ashen faced, he willed himself to disentangle himself from the guilt that spread through him like wildfire as she stilled and rubbed her arm. "I don't want that for us."

Waves of heat coursed through his blood and a warm sweat glistened on his gaunt features. His were eyes sunken and his skin was sallow, everything ached, everything was dark. "It's more money than we could make working some shitty job. What the fuck, Rey? Come on, think about how good this might be."