a place we know| ✓

fourteen

"And find a place where every single thing you see tells you to stay."
S E E K E R
.
.
December 19th
3:15 PM
New York
- - - - - - - - - -

"Audrey?"

The first breath was ragged. Then the next. And her legs refused to keep her standing so she plunged to the ground as sweltering tears poured out of her eyes with no intent of stopping. With every half-word and harsh intake of oxygen, her lungs burned. She could barely see what was in front of her and it all just felt like a godawful dream stuck on repeat. It hadn't struck her that Leah was gone, and so was Gunner, until she heard her name being called desperately and a pair of arms wrapped around her frail body.

"Breathe, Rey, breathe. In and out, come on. You'll be okay, it's okay." Penelope's dulcet voice brought back the emotion with more vigor and Audrey's heart was drawn in and out of her chest, on fire.

"It's not okay," she wailed with ferocity. "Nothing's okay, Penny."

Audrey moved, but she wasn't conscious enough to sense her weight being dragged into the apartment by the same arms that held her. The heat in the room was overwhelming and she suddenly craved her cold home. As unbearable as it had been, she wanted the family inside it. She wanted to go back her daughter and boyfriend despite how weak it made her seem.

"Talk to me, Audrey. Tell me what happened." Penelope ran her thumbs over her teary face and over her cupid's bow where Audrey had snot leaking out of her nose. She was so self-aware of how revolting she looked when she cried. She never had a mother to teach her to cry gracefully, she never had anyone to make her feel that things would be okay, and the only time it appeared that her life was getting back on track her happiness was stolen and stepped on and discarded.

Audrey was just so tired. She lost her purpose and nothing was worse than being useless.

"Gunner and I had a really bad argument. He...he was selling drugs to make us money but I told him to stop and he said he wished he left me, and that Leah was a mistake, and that he wanted her to be aborted..." she dissolved into despair again, crumbling in her best friend's grasp, "so I took her and left. Then...I-I'm such a bad person, Penelope."

"Slow down, Rey. You're not making any sense."

"I left Gunner. He's been dealing drugs to make us money, but we fought today and he said these awful things about me and Leah. I just...I don't know what I'm gonna do."

"You're not the one at fault here," Penelope cooed and rubbed her tense shoulders. "If Gunner's the one who said those things, this is all on him."

"But I slept with Michael."

It was all the more unnerving when she let the confession hang in the air between them. Penny's hold on her shoulders loosened, the small living room tight with tension. Audrey didn't have any valor in her and let her eyes remain downcast. She wasn't sure what her friend's silence meant.

"Why?" she asked, voice low. "When did it happen?"

"The night I went out looking for him," Audrey started, "We also fought. I got home late and I was so upset. Michael saw me in the lobby and he told me I owed him rent, but I had no money, Penny. It was either sleep with him or get us kicked out the next day...I didn't have a choice."

"I could've helped you out. You didn't have to sleep with him, Rey. I was here, I always am."

"We were two months behind. No one can help with that."