a place we know| ✓

nineteen

"And find a place where every single thing you see tells you to stay."
S E E K E R
.
.
December 28th
5:30 PM
New York
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Gunner's eyes were transfixed by the setting sun behind the window.

He inhaled the grey smoke that sullied his lungs, the odor lurking underneath his nose with every heavy breath he expelled. Slouching back on the lumpy sofa, Gunner brought the small, toxic stick back to his cracking lips and welcomed the creeping nicotine into his body, its effects dealt immediately as his muscles relaxed.

"I'm gonna send someone else out there tonight. You don't look like you're up for anything." Ace was barren as he spoke, lacking life behind his words and the dark eyes he had centered on the bundles of money on his coffee table. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Gunner could feel his temperament shrink, the feelings of his ire rising like the ocean. The only things he told Ace were merely raindrops. "Today was our court date and I missed it. When I called Audrey, she was so pissed at me."

He flicked the ashes of his cigarette into the ashtray in front of him before taking another prolonged drag. "She told me to fuck off for good."

When a low jeer made its way out of Ace's mouth, his cackle like a clap of thunder, Gunner felt the burn of his disgust and the cold blood in his veins begin to boil. This man was supposed to be his best friend; the only reason Gunner was even in this mess was because he valued Ace's approval more than his girlfriend and daughter. Where had it gotten him? Nowhere.

By now it was too late to turn the clock and start over. Just when he thought he could convince Audrey that he was becoming a better man–which he truly was–he gave in so easily, for some money he now wanted nothing to do with.

"Maybe you should listen," Ace said and picked up the nearest stack of dollars. "Audrey clearly doesn't need you around and neither does your kid. So move on. Get over it."

Gunner looked down at the orange glow of his cigarette. If only it were that easy for him. "I'm not getting over it because I fucking love Audrey and my kid," he breathed in slowly, worried that if he did so any faster he'd fall apart on his friend's couch. "They're all I got."

"You got me."

"You're the fucking reason I'm in this mess," he said through gritted teeth. "I should've listened to her."

Gunner watched Ace. Watched his near-black eyes scintillate as if this were all some cruel trick he was playing. In some ways, he was. Gunner had followed without question, blindly, oblivious to the consequences which the universe rained down on him - except they felt like fire; burning through his heart and soul, crippling his bones with guilt.

"Take a night off and go enjoy yourself now that she's not around." Ace tossed the bundle of cash at Gunner, pushed the half-empty bottle of Smirnoff , and from his back pocket, tossed him a foil packet.

He stared down at the contents, appalled that he once believed these things would be his salvation. "I don't want them," Gunner said, pushing aside all the items. "It's not what I need right now."

Ace let out a defeated sigh and leaned back on the armchair. "Then I don't know how to help you, Gunner. Either you move on or go through all this shit again. Your choice."

He listened to his friend carefully, dissecting the hidden meaning behind each word. Ace was smiling but Gunner was bleeding inside. He put out the cigarette and gave his full attention to the purple sky.