a place we know| ✓

thirty five

"And find a place where every single thing you see tells you to stay."
S E E K E R
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January 7th
12:12 PM
New York
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Today, Leah was waiting in a different room. Painted white from corner to corner, it was bland and noiseless. The heater was turned on too high, everything was suffocating. So much so that Audrey could barely breathe wearing her jacket, feeling it binding and constraining her lungs.

She angled her body away from the doorway, just enough to remain hidden from Leah's eyes but engross herself in the delight of watching the little girl.

There was no one else present except for Leah and an older woman, who Audrey concluded was the Mrs. May character she had been informed about during their last visit. Her determination shrank. It all seemed like a distant memory now; a blurry photograph pushing its way to the front of her eyes.

Truthfully, Audrey was expecting custody to be handed over to the Richardsons after Leah's meltdown. It was the only thing plausible solution to this mess. But the opposite happened. She thought it over from the very beginning, the day her daughter had been dragged away. Now looking back at the courtroom and judge, she recalled that sweet rush as her heart pounded so painfully inside her chest cavity.

The custody battle came to an end. 

She closed a chapter of her life that day. CPS has been defeated and the Richardson's were especially hurt; Audrey was no foreigner to the desolate feeling of loss. They must've experienced it for the first time in that courtroom. People like them didn't lose, they didn't know what it felt like to have all you loved being ripped away right before your eyes.

Gunner shed tears, he hugged her, and he was overcome with pride when they bypassed the Richardsons on their way out of the courthouse. She had asked him what the tears where for and he whispered, Happy tears, Rey.

But where her hope blossomed flowers, guilt snipped them at the stem and her heart fell, failing to take root and regrow her happiness.

The Richardsons would have made the perfect family–Sheila, a kind mother; Daniel, an attentive father; and Leah, a beautiful daughter. She would be living in those white picket-fence houses Gunner had been working so hard to move them into. Though his methods were criminal–I'm marrying a freakin' criminal–he had fire and passion fuelling his ambition. Then came along people willing to provide what Gunner and Audrey couldn't have and she turned them down.

All for love. In the name of love. In the name of family.

Leah could have had the life she deserved. Money and all the rest. Just as Audrey once had, and she gave it up for this.

Her young mind would eventually replace images of Gunner and Audrey with those of Sheila and Daniel, but it would be for the best. She'd call them mom and dad, like the good parents she was meant to have.

The ones she had now were all forms of disappointment, and they had consistently disappointed their only daughter.

"You haven't said anything since we got here."

She felt herself quiver, but as their surroundings began to fuse her to the present, realized Gunner was the one shaking her shoulders.

"Don't you want to go in there?"

Audrey turned back around and continued to peer at Leah, her eyes picking out all the new details that were added to the girl since she last saw her. Her hair had already started to grow from its shorter length, and what jumped at her were the unsmiling lips. Leah appeared bored even, head moving from side to side and her hazel eyes assessed the plain room. She had grown thinner, more bleak and weary, swinging her feet to and fro as Mrs. May mouthed something to her.