Teach Me | H.S

Chapter 14

*Harry's POV*

I watched as the blood oozed from the slash on my wrist and trickled down my arm and to my fingertips before dripping on to the floor and adding to the small puddle which was already forming. I sighed and rested my head back on the wall of the bathroom closing my eyes so that I could block out the blinding light of the room.

I had been self-harming since Ava's death; it was the quickest and most effective way to cope with the pain (from what I had found anyway). No amount of prescribed drugs could get rid of the soul destroying self-loathing that I had buried deep inside myself. Every minute of every day I could feel a little bit more of my former self wearing away, only to be taken over by depression.

Shockingly I wasn't always like this. I was a very happy (if slightly horny) lad, a typical teen. I was stupidly in love with a perfect, beautiful flawless, kind, funny... sweet... gentle... amazing girl who...

I broke down in a wave of sobs before I could continue. God I missed her so much. Why wasn't it me? I should have been the one that was killed, I should have been the one who had their life cut short, I should be the one six feet under, rotting in some God forsaken box, earth piled on top of me. Why isn't it me?!

As I tried to muffle my sobs by biting my bottom lip I grabbed the razor and made a second cut across my wrist, slightly deeper than the first but the same length. Pain shot through my arm as the blade ran across my skin and tore my flesh apart. Blood spilled from the cut and ran down my arm, staining the white material of my shirt and dropping on to the floor in a puddle by my feet. 

I hiccupped and sniffed to stop my nose from running, an unfortunate side effect of crying. Another unfortunate side effect of crying was headaches, and I could feel one slowly developing behind my temples, a dull throbbing which would slowly grow in intensity and leave me lying in bed, a moaning mess as I tried to ease the pain. 

Just as my crying began to cease I heard footsteps coming closer to the bathroom, Liam's footsteps. My eyes widened as I heard him stop outside of the bathroom door, I held my breath and stayed still as stone, perhaps if I didn’t make any noise he wouldn't know I was in here....

"Harry?" then again, maybe not. 

"Harry I know you're in there, what are you doing? You have a message on your phone, from some girl called Isabella. Who is she?" Hearing Isabella's name pushed me over the edge and I began to sob again. I was such a horrible person, I deserved to die! Why wasn't I dead? What kind of person leaves a girl two years younger than them in the middle of London on a busy Saturday afternoon, surrounded by an unimaginable number of weirdoes who could do anything to her, they could hurt her in the most unimaginable way and I would never forgive myself for it. 

When I left Izzy alone and drove off in my car I couldn't help but look in the rear view mirror to see her beautiful face watching me drive off, a look of shock and anger clear on her face and from that brief glance behind me all I could see was Ava's face, watching me drive off into the distance, leaving her to suffer her fate alone. I could see the disappointment in her eyes as I left her, a look in her eyes that said "why are you leaving me Harry?"

As I opened my eyes I could still see Ava's face. She was kneeling in front of me, a sad look in her eyes as he looked back and forth between my face and cut wrist. I cried harder and tried to reach out to touch her face, run my fingers over her smooth skin again but as soon as my fingertips came close to her she vanished into thin air.

"I'M NOT LEAVING YOU AVA! I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU!" I screamed at the spot where she had been kneeling only moments before.

"Harry open the door! Harry open the door right now!" Liam shouted, banging his fists on the door in an effort to force his way in. I called Ava's name over and over until I finally became limp, my throat burning from all the screaming, my head throbbing from all the crying and my body numb from blood loss (luckily the bleeding had stopped). I let my body fall to the side until I was lying flat on the floor, my head resting on my arm and my legs tucked up near my chest so that I was in a ball.