Teach Me | H.S

Chapter 19

*Isabella's POV*

"Feeling better?"

"Much" Harry muttered, taking another swig from his coffee before setting the empty cup back down on the table. He pushed the now empty plate towards me. I grabbed it and took it back to the kitchen, adding it to the ever growing pile of dirty dishes I promised myself I would complete when Harry left. As I took my seat opposite the curly haired boy once again I noticed the deep purple bags underneath his eyes. He looked so tired. 

"Harry how much sleep did you get last night?" I asked, cocking my head slightly to the side as his eyes met mine. 

"About 7 hours. Why?" he replied, his hand subconsciously making its way to the back of his neck, scratching and fiddling with his hair as he continued to look at me. He was lying. I knew he was. Whenever he lied he would scratch the back of his neck, an action I picked up on relatively early into our friendship. I raised my eyebrows and continued to stare at him, waiting for him to give me an honest answer. He appeared to catch on relatively quickly as he looked at the table.

"3 hours..." he muttered, refusing to look at me.

I sighed and rested my elbows on the table, cradling my head in my hands.

"Harry you haven't had a proper night sleep for a week, what is wrong with you?" I asked.

"I don't know I just haven't been able to sleep. I have tried everything but nothing is working, I don't know what else to do" he sighed, looking into my eyes again.

"Well is there anything that could be keeping you awake, are you worried or stressed about anything?" After that he remained quiet for a very long time, and all I could think was: I wish I knew what was going on in that beautiful mind of his...

*Harry's POV*

Was I worried about anything.... no. 

Was I stressed about anything... no.

Was my heart being ripped out of my chest... yes. Yes it was.

I had been dreaming about Ava for the past week, always the same dream. Every night I would wake up sweating and crying into my pillow. Most nights Liam would come running through at the sound of my screams, trying desperately to calm me down as I gasped for air, my body shaking as I sobbed.

I had been dreaming about Ava since she died, occasionally they would be pleasant and beautiful and leave me wanting nothing more than to stay in my dream land forever with her. However more often than not they were horrible nightmares where I would watch my beautiful girl die over and over in front of me, my body standing frozen as I watched on helplessly from the side-lines. But this dream was worse than the others, the ice cold look in Ava's eyes as she stared at me with a disgusted expression made me want to stab myself. Watching her body fly through the air after impact with the car was like a horror movie and her question at the end of the dream was exactly the same as the one I had been asking myself for 2 years, why didn't I save her? I could have saved her. I could have driven her to her friend’s house, we would have died together and I wouldn't be eaten alive by this guilt I feel deep in the pit of my stomach every second of every day.

I glanced briefly at Isabella; she appeared to be occupied by something out the window. She squinted as the early morning sun appeared from behind the London buildings, streaming through the window and hitting her square in the face. The sun illuminated her features perfectly, shaping her jawline and highlighting the contours of her face, every line and imperfection. She was beautiful, there was no escaping it, but she wasn't Ava and she never would be. I don't know who I was kidding.