Daughter of a Dixon ✔️

51: She Told Me to Tell You

When we arrived back at the church, a group consisting of Rick, Ben, Tyreese, Glenn, Noah, and Michonne went out on a long journey to Noah's hometown in Virginia. It was an extensive trip, but if the community he lived in was still up and functioning, it would be the last extensive trip we had to make.

As for the rest of us, we stayed at the church, suffocating in a thick cloud of grief.

I was sitting down on one of the very back pews, writing mechanically in my journal. I wasn't even thinking about what I wrote; I was just scribbling down the events of earlier in a quick haze, hoping to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Then, as I was writing, I felt the cushion of the pew sink down softly to my left. I looked over, and saw that Carl had sat close beside me. I sighed, and gave him a half-hearted smile.

I knew he saw right through my facade, because he frowned, and let out a quiet breath. In an attempt at comfort, he slipped an arm around me, and allowed me to rest my head against the curve of his shoulder. The gesture was a foreign one for him, and me as well, but in a way that I couldn't really explain, it felt sort of right.

As I settled into his welcoming arms, I looked up to the front of the church. My eyes immediately drifted to Dad, who was about to enter the preacher's office, which was in the left corner of the building.

Then, as if he knew I was looking at him, he turned around and glanced at me as he opened the doorway. He gave me a quick nod before turning back around and entering the room.

I sighed, and looked up to Carl with questioning eyes. He gave me a nod, understanding that I needed to go, and pulled his arm back so I could get up. I stood, and side-stepped out of the pew row and into the aisle.

I paced up to the front of the church, stopping in front of the preacher's office door. Carefully, I turned the knob, and pushed the door open. I stepped inside with my head bowed, and closed the door silently behind me.

I looked up once I was inside, and saw that Dad was seated at a desk on the left side of the room, holding his head in his hands. The sight made my heart sink, and I had a thought that maybe he wanted to be alone right then. But, I also thought that he needed to hear what Beth had told me.

"Um," I started out quietly. "She, uh, she told me to tell you that, it's okay to be sad. To be hurt, to cry. That she wants you to, she doesn't want you to hold it all in. That, emotions are a part of life, and if you care for someone, getting hurt is part of the package."

He had looked up to me in the midst of my re-telling of Beth's words, and the pain in his eyes was soul-crushing. "That's-that's what she told me to tell you," I affirmed, trying to hold back a wave of tears.

He averted his attention back down to the desktop, and gave me a curt nod. I took that as my cue to leave, and swiftly turned and headed towards the door. As I rotated the door knob and took one step outside the door, though, Dad's tentative voice stopped me

"'Aye, Sidney."

I spun back around to face him, leaning up against the doorframe. I was surprised to see that he had a small smile on his face, but also, a few tears bordering his eyes.

"I ain't one much for I told you so's, but-..."

"Don't start," I cut him off, laughing tearfully.

He did the same, and then stood up from the desk chair. He walked over to me, and exhaled shortly.

"Come 'ere," he muttered under his breath, his voice cracking. He took me in an embrace, and I returned it graciously, nestling my head against his shoulder. He did the same, and I soon heard the all-too familiar sound of grief escaping my dad through tears. I held him slightly tighter, my heart sinking through the floor at the sound.

Maybe Dad didn't need to be alone after all.

Later that evening, we received a radio call from Rick that crushed all of us even further; Noah's hometown was utterly destroyed, and Tyreese had been bitten by a walker. They were on their way back, trying to get Tyreese back to the church as quickly as they could.

After that, I felt like I was just done with everything. I was tired of losing people, tired of being crushed by the world; I was just tired in general. I think we all were.

In sorrow, after we received the phone call, I returned to my position on the very back pew. Like Beth had showed me, I attempted to braid my hair in two French braids. It was getting annoyingly long, almost reaching my butt, and it often got in the way when I was trying to do things.

But, besides the fact that my braiding skills were horrendous, my hair was tangled, which resulted in possibly the largest knot of hair in the history of the world. It took Carl, Lea, Alex, and approximately twenty minutes to get the knot out, and when it was finally untangled, my hair was dry and ripped.

In the end, I just had Lea braid it in a single, three-strand braid and called it a day.

By the time my whole hair catastrophe was over, it was completely dark outside. It was a cloudy night, so the stars, nor the moon, were visible. It was like starting out into a never-ending black pit.

I was about to allow myself to succumb to the affects of exhaustion, but before I could, we received another radio call from Rick, one that made tears spring to my eyes yet another time that day.

On the way back to the church, Tyreese had fell victim to his bite wound, and passed away.