Daughter of a Dixon ✔️

89: Okay

I was terrified. Purely and solely, terrified.

At that time I was currently hiding in the back bedroom of Maggie's mobile unit, sitting on the bed with my head resting on my knees and regretting every decision I had made in the past month. How in the Hell did my life get that screwed up? It felt like just yesterday I was laughing at how awkward my dad was around Bailey Hills, or how Dad would tell me how proud he was of me, how he thought I was going to beat the world we were living in.

I didn't even want to imagine what he thought of me then.

As far as I knew, Maggie was supposed to be telling Dad what had happened to me at the Sanctuary in private, somewhere away from all the other Hilltop residents. I had no idea how I was going to face him after that, after he'd found out; what was I even supposed to say?

How do I face my father after he finds out I've been molested?

The door to the bedroom I was in being thrown open harshly scared me out my mind, and I jumped about a foot in the air.

Jesus scattered into the room, a frenzied look in his bright, blue eyes. "The Saviors are here; you gotta hide."

I felt awful that the very first thought I had was, thank God.

The next one, though, was immediately, oh shit.

I sprang up from the bed, and Jesus took me by the hand, guiding me out of the mobile in a rush. "Come on, there's a cellar where Maggie and Daryl are hiding, you can-..."

"No, no, wait! Please not there, okay? Not there, not yet," I practically begged, digging my heels into the ground and unwilling to move.

"You have to hide, you need t-..." Jesus began, but I couldn't listen.

"Please, okay, just... anywhere but there," I pleaded, watching as the all-too familiar trucks rolled through the Hilltop's front gates.

He must've seen the completely terrified gleam in my eyes, because a moment later, he let out a frustrated groan, but nodded nonetheless. "Fine; come on, I know a place."

He took my hand once again, and began running around to the back of the community, behind Gregory's mansion. We ran around to the back wall, over to what looked to be a very organized pile of logs. Although, when we got close enough, Jesus lifted up the top row of wood, revealing a secret passageway.

"It's a hidden tunnel, to get out of Hilltop. Just stay there, I'll come get you when they're gone, alright?" he said, already ushering me inside the tunnel.

"Thanks," I muttered to him once I was safely inside, crouching down so I could fit. The tunnel was fairly large, although it was just a passageway dug out of the ground. I had just enough room to sit on my bottom without my head touching the ground above it.

Before Jesus could utter a response to me, he slammed the secret hatch shut, leaving me in pitch-black darkness.

I had no idea how long I was in that cramped tunnel before I heard the hatch above me begin to open. Light flooded in through the tunnel, and I immediately scooted back as far as I could, fearing the worst.

"Hey, it's okay, Sidney, they're gone," I heard a voice call out, and relief flooded through me. I was so eager to get out of that smoldering tunnel, I scrambled up to the surface, dusting myself off as I stood up.

I looked up, and saw Maggie giving me a kind smile, and a confident nod soon after. I didn't really know why, but then I saw the large figure standing far behind her, surveying the scene with a lowered head.

Dad already looked like he was crying.

"Uh, y-you know, I might just take the long way around. Need that exercise, good for the body," I said, and ducked back down into the tunnel immediately after. I couldn't do this, there was no way on Earth that I could. I wasn't strong enough.

Maggie wasn't having it. I'll be damned if she didn't crawl into that tunnel directly after me, and grab onto my shirt to stop me from getting away.

"Maggie, please, I-I can't do this," I cried, a desperate plead in my voice.

She sighed, and spun me around to face her. "Just listen to me, alright?" she said, the southern accent that sweetened her voice immediately calming me. "I haven't told him yet, honey."

I stopped, looking at her with utter confusion in my eyes. "What? How come?"

"Because I couldn't get him to even come near me, Sidney," she admitted, shaking her head. "He was ignoring me, wouldn't look at me or anything. It wasn't until we got in the cellar that he spoke, and he told me he was sorry for... for what happened in the line-up... he's carrying around a lot of guilt right now, sweetheart, and most of it is for the way he's acted towards you."

I looked away from her, slowly becoming teary-eyed, and cleared my throat quietly. "What'd he say?"

Maggie laid her hand atop my own, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "That he was sorry, for everything. That he wants to fix things with you and him, but doesn't know how. And, even though he wants to make things better, he is still hurt, he feels betrayed, and for him, those emotions usually come out in anger."

I sniffed, and shook my head, ignoring the tear that fell from my right eye. "That's exactly why we can't tell him... he already feels bad enough."

"No, honey," she said, and squeezed my hand once again. "That's exactly why we have to tell him... so those feelings of betrayal and anger go away, and so he can let himself deal with it, cope with it... so you both can."

I stayed still for a moment before sighing, and looking up to Maggie with heartbreak in my eyes. "I can't tell him, Maggie, it-it can't be me..."

"I know, I know. I'm gonna tell him, I said I would. And then, I'll bring him to you, and you two can work things out the right way, okay?"

The thought of it made me feel sick out of fear, but I gave my head a single nod anyway, knowing it was what needed to be done. "Okay," I said in a soft whisper, nodding once again.

Maggie smiled gently, and gave my hand one last squeeze before removing it, and pushing up on the exit door of the tunnel. Light poured into the darkness, making me squint momentarily as Maggie climbed out of the passageway. I followed suit, finally feeling the Sun on my skin after what felt like hours of being trapped in darkness.

Dad had walked away from his previous position, as I'd expected he'd do. Upon seeing that, Maggie turned to me, giving me one of her smiles that made me feel like everything was okay.

"I'll go find him. Just, wait in the mobile, okay? I'll make sure no one else goes in there for awhile," she said.

I gave her a nod, trying to be confident when, in reality, I was petrified.

She seemed to pick up on that, and immediately took me in a tight embrace. I nestled my head in her shoulder, truly needing to feel 'okay' for just a mere second.

I hadn't been okay for so long, I had forgotten what it felt like.