An Unexpected Romance

[34]: Do I?

I eventually pulled myself together, well I mean, I managed to stop crying my heart out and got changed into my bikini. I wasn't spending the rest of the day cooped up in this depressing bedroom, re-playing what happened over and over in my head. So I slipped on a pair of shorts and a vest top and went into the living room. I thought about messaging the girls to let them know what had happened but I didn't want to bother them right now and have them rush over to me and stop what they were doing, they were on holiday as well and they were having a great time so I'd just fill them in later when I saw them. I'd still be an emotional mess then...just like I am now.

I'm heartbroken, and it's all my own fault. My own stupid insecurities have come out in full force and ruined what potentially could have been my ever after.

This day started out perfect, literally perfect. With Blake surprising me with breakfast in bed and us making love was a great way to start the day then I had to go and ruin it by opening my mouth. Why didn't I just agree with what he was saying? He told me what he wanted us to have and asked to me why did this have to end here in LA. I should have listened to him and we could have talked about us being together...finally. But no, me being a insecure idiot and panicking, I said everything that I didn't want to happen, that it was just a bit of fun, just a holiday fling.

No wonder he left me.

Glancing around the room I wondered what I could do today, I could go out by myself and explore. But knowing me, I'd end up lost somewhere and I'd have to call someone to come find me and the day would end up a million times worse. My eyes flickered around the living room before resting on the TV, suppose I could spend the day watching chick flicks and crying. But then the thought of watching two people madly in love wasn't what I wanted right now. I wanted doom and gloom.

Then my eyes landed on the mini bar in the corner of the room, perfect. I walked over and poured myself a large glass of vodka and coke, who needs to measure out the spirits when you've got a heavy pour hand. I took a small sip and pulled a face as I felt the burn of the vodka as it slid down my throat; and so I took another sip, it was the distraction I needed right now. Wandering around the suite with the drink in my hand, I ended up in the bathroom. I walked over to where the Jacuzzi was and sat on the ledge by the window watching the city below me.

Without pausing to collect my scrambled thoughts, I got my phone out my pocket and rang Blake, but there was no answer so I tried him again. I needed to speak to him and sort it out, I needed things to be okay between us again; but this time it went straight to voicemail. He'd turned his phone off. Placing mine on the floor between my legs I felt defeated.

Within minutes, the beautiful California sun went to hide behind the dark clouds and it began to rain, and I mean rain. It began pissing it down, it was like being back home. It's weird how the weather today has mirrored my feelings from this morning; beautiful, warm and sunny one minute to dark and stormy the next.

I leaned my head on the window and took another sip of m drink, watching the rain dribble down the glass as my tears dribbled down my cheeks. Then I heard the thunder, and a couple of seconds later came the lightening. Wow, a proper thunder storm, I loved thunder storms. My glass was nearly empty now, so I necked it back and went and got myself another large glass before sitting back down by the window with my phone.

I went back onto my phone and onto his name, Blake x.

I tried calling him but once again it went to his voicemail, he didn't want to speak to me.

Clicking onto his number, my finger hovered over the erase contact button. Do I delete him and all the memories that we've had or do I keep it, in hope that this isn't the end for us? By the sound of things he wanted nothing to do with me so why should I keep his number?