Paralyzed | Malec

Chapter 34

Heey everyone! How are you all doing? Are you keeping busy during quarantine? I am certainly😂 enjoy this new chapter!
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"Can I see her?" I asked out of the sudden. I could feel everyone's eyes piercing at me. I knew that everyone was looking at me. I saw the shocked expression on Alec's face and my father was startled too.

I think no one really knew how to address this whole situation. Address this loss. In reality, I didn't only lose my mother. My father lost a good friend and Alec... Alec lost his childhood friend. I knew that I wasn't the only person that lost her... I didn't wanted to come over as if I was the only person that was hurting... I knew it was killing my fathers...

"Yes of course." Alec said before he looked over at my father and then at me. He definitely didn't know how to react but he also didn't wanted to say no. It was hard to say no... I knew it was... I nodded with a weak smile.

"Come with me." Alec said as he held his hand out. I held his hand as if I was little girl that needed to find her way again and the father which was Alec was showing me the way where I should be going so I wouldn't be lost again.

"The rest, missions are dismissed. Take a few days off." Alec said as he looked at the rest of the group. It was as if I could hear them nod their head. All of us quietly left Alec's office and together with Alec and my father we walked somewhere which I didn't even knew existed in this very well institute.

"Ella... Are you sure?" Alec asked carefully before opening the door to the morgue. I looked into Alec's blue eyes as I nodded my head.

"I am sure, dad." I said and it was as if I was convincing myself which I was. I wasn't sure whether I could handle seeing her again but I knew that I would regret it if I wouldn't... I know that I would resent myself for it... Alec nodded his head quietly and opened the door of the mortgage.

A breeze of cold air hit me slightly as I walked inside the mortgage. It was a little bit dark. The lights inside of it made it bright up and a tiny bit of light came from outside. When we walked into another room, I saw a body laying down on a bed. Aunt Izzy and aunt Clary were standing next to it.

Both of them looked a bit startled when they saw me walking inside the room. I could see it from their facial expressions that they were not sure whether I should be here or whether it was a good idea for me too see her again.

"What are you guys doing here?" Izzy asked as she looked at us. I looked down, not really knowing what to say. It was as if I had lost my words all over again seeing my mother lay down there and me being helpless against it.

"Ella wanted to see her mother." My father said softly from behind me. His voice was soft and when I turned myself around, I saw him just staring at my mother's body. He looked defeated but most of all petrified.

I held his hand which made him snap out of it. He quickly looked at me and weakly smiled at me. He softly squeezed my hand a bit before letting my hand go. I turned myself around to face Izzy and Clary again. I walked a bit closer to the body of my mother and looked at Clary who was holding the blanket still down.

"Ella, you can give yourself a few days to process this... It's still fresh." Clary said softly. I nodded as I looked at her. I have always admired her. I mean the whole world went against her, her own father included and her own brother. She lost all of her family. Her father, brother and mother... She out of all people knew how I was feeling right now.

I knew that she was right but I just had to see her one last time... It was as if my mind was not believing that she was murdered. I knew I had to process all of it but I needed to see her. I was so eager to see her as if it would make me stop missing which I knew deep inside my heart that I wouldn't. It would just become worse than it already was.

"Okay... I am going to remove the blanket now." She said softly, giving me a warning so it wouldn't shock me to see her immediately. I nodded my head softly and looked down. I saw Clary removing the blanket of her face and there she was...

Her eyes were closed and her skin turned almost grey. You could see that she lost a lot of blood which was the reason why she passed away... Why she lost her life... Her lips were pale and crusty. I could see the dead skin on it.

My eyes were filled with tears as I looked at my mother and it was as if realisation was kicking in again. The flashbacks of when she died, how I reacted and how I felt. Everything was coming back in a rush. Arrow. Stabbed. Screaming. Blood. Everything was coming back.

I gasped sharply and took a few steps back as the tears started to flow down my cheeks. I sobbed softly as I looked at my mother. I could feel my father holding me from one side and Alec from the other.

"You should have been here with us now... " I said softly as I looked at her. I could hear my father cry softly as he held onto me tightly.

"This is my fault." I breathed sharply and my father turned me around so I could look at him. I was crying softly and facing him.

"This is not your fault." He said as he swallowed his sobs away so he could speak to me. I looked at him and shook my head.

"I should have gone with Lucifer... She would have been safe right now... She would have been here..." I said as I kept on blaming myself. I knew that me going with Lucifer was out of the question. No one would have allowed that but if I knew that my mother would have died, I would have left in a heart beat with Lucifer...

Just to keep her safe...

"Your mother would have never allowed you to do that... She would have given her life for that as she did now..." My father said as he looked me sharply into my eyes. I bit my underlip slightly as I nodded my head.

The tears kept on streaming down my cheeks. My father hugged me tightly as he cried. We stood like that, hugging each other as we cried together...