Jily one shots

If we only die once (part 3)

Nine o'clock.

Petunia comes to visit. It's a Monday, it's awkward, and Lily makes her lemonade. The elder Evans merely nods her thanks. There's nothing after that, not for a while, because Petunia isn't speaking and Lily is afraid to ask. She's not even sure what the question is, but there is one. She knows it.

They sit in silence, even Petunia holding her words for once.

There's a throbbing silent pang in Lily's chest; the same tingle of some dozen train rides ago, when Lily went off to Hogwarts for the first time. Petunia is oblivious to it, of course. Or maybe she's quelling down her own little devils, too. It still tastes sour on Lily's tongue-the regret, the irretrievable truth that they're long far gone from each other's lives-but it's no longer something they both can't handle. Not a pleasant thought, but there you go.

They both stare at the back of the couch ahead, sat on counter stools in the kitchen. Lily rests her chin on her hand, Petunia nurses her drink with her straw. It's the latter who ends the silence. "So." Lily tilts her head up to acknowledge her. "You're done?"

"I'm done?"

"With school."

"Oh. Yeah. I suppose I am."

"What now then?"

"I'm..." Lily doesn't know, to be honest. Not entirely. There are cauldrons in the spare bedroom upstairs, some still lit and simmering as they speak. She had just about enough time to clear the fumes when she heard the doorbell. Does she tell Petunia that? How does she even begin to explain?

What now? Plan B, that's what. And Lily had no idea where to start on the first day back, how to fabricate a new future around the absence of certain people she's always imagined are always going to be around. There was nothing when she walked away from Sirius at the station. But it is what it is, and there's nothing to do but move on with her life. Do something. Start somewhere.

Right now there's coming up with an investigatory potions project relevant enough to get her into a Ministry internship, something Slughorn has owled her about a few days ago, and then earning enough accreditation to maybe snag a position in the judiciary department later on. It's a long way, but... it's something. "I'm working on getting into this internship," Lily says. "It doesn't pay, not yet, but it's going to give me a pass. I'm getting a job around here while I do it, though, don't worry. For the bills and everything."

Petunia is quiet. She takes one prim sip of her drink. It's a waste of time trying to scour her expression for any trace of approval, so Lily opts to stare at the hat ever immaculately pinned on her head. "You don't have to live here, you know," says Petunia.

Lily doesn't know what she was expecting, but it wasn't that. "I know."

"And now that you're done with-"

"Tuney, it doesn't work like that."

"Come live in Surrey with me," says Petunia, the words rushing out of her like that would make it easier to say.

"Surrey?"

"We're leaving Cokeworth. Come live with us. Not in the same house, but I can make arrangements, and we can get you a job-Vernon says his sister's got this nice shop downtown, and you can-"

"Tuney..."

"Why not?" Her voice takes on a higher note. Shakier. "You're finished now, aren't you? You've wasted seven years of your life now, Lily, and that's enough. It's time to grow out of all that crackpot wand-waving nonsense."

"This is who I am." Lily clenches her fists. It was bad when it became apparent that Petunia doesn't understand, but it's worse trying to explain it to her time and again and getting the same result. "It's not just some phase I get into then over with."