Versions

4

Harry

"When did that happen?" Harry asked and tilted his head in the direction of Louis and a girl, busy making out in public.

Niall turned his head to look and shrugged his shoulders.
"A few days ago. They're really at it, like all the time."

Louis looked up and met Harry's eyes and gave him a smirk. Harry knew what he was trying to do, what he was trying to prove, and he just felt sorry for him. Louis seemed to have a really hard time accepting his sexuality. He was being homophobic towards himself. That was just sad. He wished that he could help him somehow but he didn't know how.

Two weeks went by and Harry watched Louis parade around with that poor girl like a piece of arm candy.

On Saturday Niall came and knocked on his dorm.
"Can I hang out here? Louis is doing the nasty." Niall smirked.

"Of course." Harry answered and opened the door wider to let him inside. He was by himself in his dorm room. The guy that used to live with him had dropped out. Niall's comment about Louis made him briefly upset. He didn't want to know that Louis had sex but he didn't reflect on the reason why it upset him.

They watched a movie and small talked. Harry almost fell asleep in the end so when Niall said that he was hungry and was heading to a burger place he kindly declined. Niall left and he got ready for bed.

He was just about to climb into bed when there was a loud knock on his door. Did Niall forget something? But it wasn't Niall who met his eyes when he opened it. It was Louis, and he looked absolutely devastated. Harry's eyes grew wide in surprise when Louis broke down crying in front of him. Louis put his hands over his face and sobbed uncontrollably and it only took a second for Harry to react.

He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly.
"It's okay. You're okay."

"I-I'm n-not o-o-okay." Louis managed to get out between sobs and Harry's heart bled for him. 

He closed the door behind them and just held him. He didn't care that Louis got his t-shirt wet while he held on to him like he was drowning and cried his heart out.

Louis finally calmed down and let go. He looked embarrassed and tried to wipe his cheeks.
"I'm sorry. I should go."

"Stay. Talk to me." Harry said softly and lead him towards the bed.

Louis sat down with a sigh and leaned forward and placed his head in his hands.
"What happened? Harry asked.

Louis didn't say anything at first so Harry just sat there beside him for support. When he finally opened up it wasn't more than a whisper at first but as soon as he started talking everything just flooded out of him.
"It was awful. I had sex with El and...and the only way I could go through with it...I had to think about that kiss with you. That's the only thing I've thought about for the last couple of weeks. I never had a kiss like that and that's just horrible because it was hardly a kiss before I freaked out. I don't wanna be that."

Harry tried to process.
"Why?"

Louis looked up at him.
"Why what?"

"Why is this so hard for you? Why don't you wanna be that?" Harry asked cautiously.

"I just wanna be normal. I wanna have a normal life. I wanna get married and have children in the future without being judged." Louis admitted.

"You can have all of that. You are normal Louis. You're not defined by your sexuality. Don't you wanna be happy? You can't change who you are. Is it really that bad that you like boys? So what?" Harry tried to reassure him.

Louis gasped.
"Don't say that!"

"That you like boys? That's okay Louis. You need to accept it, accept yourself." Harry answered softly.

"How do I do that? How can this be so easy for you?" Louis questioned.

"It hasn't always been easy Louis. I didn't want to spend a lifetime hating myself for something I can't change you know?" Harry answers.

That actually made Louis chuckle.
"I'm an expert at that."

"And that breaks my heart." Harry retorted.

"Yeah..." Louis sighed.

They stayed quiet for a while before Harry came up with an idea.
"This might sound stupid but look yourself in the mirror every day until you can say 'I'm gay, and then you say that until it doesn't make you freak out."

Louis glanced at him.
"I can try."

"Good." Harry smiled.

"I'm sorry I've been such a douche. I was jealous of you." Louis admitted with a sad smile.

Harry understood.
"It's okay."

"I'm scared." Louis whispered and looked really vulnerable.

Harry didn't know how to respond so instead he hugged him again. Louis rested his head on his shoulder.
"Thank you. Please don't tell anyone."

"I would never do that." Harry assured him. He knew from experience how it felt to be outed by someone else.

"You're great, you know that?" Louis said and it sounded like he was smiling.

Harry's stomach made a weird twist.
"So are you."

"I'm a mess." Louis chuckled and pulled away from the hug.

"For now." Harry smiled.

"Yeah..." Louis breathed out, looking anything but convinced. He bit his lower lip. "Can I...ehm...stay over? Just sleep, I...eh, I don't want to face Niall just now. He'll see that something is wrong and he won't let it slide and I don't want to tell him."

"Of course." Harry smiled.

Louis laid down so Harry did the same, making sure to keep his distance. He turned his back against him and pulled the cover over them before he closed his eyes.
"Good night."

Louis turned around and put his arm around him. Harry was surprised but didn't move away.
"Good night."

When Harry woke up the next morning Louis was nowhere to be found. So that was it?

In the weeks that followed Louis avoided him and he felt sad for his sake. Louis was going back in denial. But then Niall informed him that Louis had broken up with his girlfriend. Maybe he just needed time?