Versions

8

Harry

He shouldn't be upset but he couldn't help it. He knew how hard this was for Louis and he tried to be supportive but being degraded to a friend hurt his feelings. He knew that he should be patient and understanding but he had feelings too.

He would have gotten over it if Louis hadn't refused to go on another date. He didn't say it out loud but he always came up with an excuse why they couldn't go out in public together and when they did he always brought Niall along. 

He didn't want to go back to hiding his sexuality and Louis wasn't ready to come out. He didn't know what to do.

They were spending another evening in his dorm and even if he loved spending time with Louis he wished they could do something more than just hide out in his room. He also knew that he couldn't ask Louis to do something he wasn't ready for and the whole situation made him sad.
"What's wrong? You've been down for a couple of weeks." Louis finally asked.

Harry sighed. He guessed they were having this conversation now. He sat up and looked at Louis.
"I love you, you know that?"

Louis gasped and stared at him in surprise. He didn't say it back. Harry dragged a hand through his hair.
"I wanted you to know that and don't feel like you have to say it back. I don't want you to say it if you don't mean it. Anyhow, I know this is hard for you but it's hard for me too. I don't want to be back in the closet Lou. I love you and I want to go on dates with you and I don't want to hide. I know you're not ready, so I'm sad. I don't know if you'll ever be ready."

"I told Niall!" Louis said upset.

"And I'm so proud of you for doing that!" Harry replied.

"So what do you want from me?" Louis asked, looking like he was about to cry.

"Nothing you're not ready for but I guess it still feels like you're ashamed of me." Harry admitted.

Louis's eyes teared up.
"I'm not! I'm ashamed of myself."

"Which means that you're indirectly ashamed of me as well, or at least the gay part of me." Harry said with a shaky voice.

Louis didn't answer. He just shook his head while the tears spilled over and started to roll down his cheeks. Harry took his hand.
"I know that you don't mean it like that and I wish I could make you believe me when I tell you that you are perfect just the way you are but you have to come to that conclusion by yourself and I don't know how to help you, honestly."

Louis opened his eyes to look at him.
"What are you saying?"

"Maybe we should take a step back until you're ready for this." Harry answered with glossy eyes.

Louis let out a deep sob and got up from the bed and ran away. Harry broke down crying as well. He knew that he had to do this even if he broke his own heart, and Louis'. He deserved more. He just loved him so much.

He skipped all his classes the next day. He just laid in bed, staring into nothing when he wasn't crying his heart out.

Someone knocked on his door in the afternoon and he rushed out of bed hoping it would be Louis and was disappointed when Niall was behind the door.
"I'm busy." He muttered.

"You broke him. What did you do? He's miserable!" Niall said accusingly.

"So am I!" Harry growled and stomped to his bed and laid down. He pulled the cover over his head.

Niall came and sat down on the bed.
"Talk to me, Harry. What happened?" He asked softly.

Harry sighed and removed the duvet from his face so he could look at Niall.
"He's not ready for a relationship, at least not one out in the open."

"Oh. So you ended it?" Niall asked.

"Yeah, I don't wanna just hide in here." Harry answered.

"I get that. I'm sorry Harry." Niall said and patted his knee.

"I can't be with someone who's ashamed of us no matter how much I love him." Harry said with a trembling voice and broke down crying.

Niall laid down beside him and hugged him and let him have a good cry. He needed that. He took a deep breath to calm down.
"Is he scared of coming out?" Niall asked.

"Yeah."

"But he told me." Niall continued, sounding confused.

"And that was a big step for him." Harry smiled.

"Are his parents homophobic?" Niall asked. They were laying on their backs staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know. You have to ask him about that." Harry sighed.

"I will." Niall promised.

"Just go easy on him. He's fragile. This is really hard for him." Harry replied and looked at Niall.

"Okay." Niall smiled before he continued. "Let's get out of here. Come on, I'll treat you to a burger. We're going home tomorrow. I can't believe it's Christmas already!"

Harry's heart sank. Louis's birthday was on the 24th. He had already bought him a present.
"Yeah, okay. I could use some comfort food."

They got up from the bed.
"It's gonna be alright Harry. He just needs some time." Niall tried to comfort.

"He doesn't love me. He'll move on." Harry snorted.

"I don't believe that for a second." Niall immediately protested and Harry just shrugged his shoulders in response. He didn't say it back. He had told him that he loved him and Louis said nothing.

They went out to eat and Niall managed to cheer him up. The next morning he took a train home to Holmes Chapel. Seeing his mum was just what he needed and he told her everything about Louis. She told him to not give up on him. He didn't know what to do.