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13

Louis

It had been a horrible fucking year. He hated how his life had turned out. Sure, he loved his job but at the end of the day, it was just a job. He had been so focused on his career, letting it consume him that he had lost track of what was important. Harry.

At first, he had just been hurt and angry and he didn't understand how Harry could do that to him. He had been blinded by rage and he buried himself in work. It wasn't until he was completely washed up and couldn't get out of bed that he finally realized what the hell he had been doing.

His brain felt fried and he fell into a depression and had to go on a sick leave in the middle of football season. He had a lot of time in bed in front of him where he did a lot of soul-searching and came to the conclusion that he had been an absolute moron. No wonder Harry went looking elsewhere. He replayed their last year together in his mind over and over again and he felt ashamed.

Harry had tried to talk to him numerous times about how he felt. That he missed him and that he was lonely because he worked all the time and he had just shrugged it off. He hadn't really listened.

How many times had he come home late at night even though he had promised that he would be home for dinner just to find cold food on the stove and a sleeping Harry?

Harry had been right. He had taken him for granted. He was never there and when he was he was too tired to do anything, too tired to even have sex. Harry dressed up in lingerie for God's sake. That took a lot of courage. What did he do? He fell asleep. Harry must have been so hurt. Harry really tried, he was the one who failed. How could he have been so stupid? He was too proud to talk to him.

Harry kept busy nowadays. The word spread around and he had heard the talk. If you wanted someone to fuck you good, like you have never been fucked before you should hook up with Harry Styles. At first, he didn't wanna believe it. Harry slept around with everyone? Then he got angry and jealous. He knew that he had no right to be. Harry could do whatever he wanted now and apparently, that meant that he wanted to shove his dick up every gay or bi guy's ass in London. The interesting thing about it was that no one seemed to fuck Harry. He loved to bottom. Louis didn't get it.

He hadn't been able to have sex with anyone. At first, he worked too much, then he was just lying in bed and if he would be really honest, he didn't want to sleep with anyone then Harry. He was his first. He was the reason that he finally had the courage to come out. He was the reason that he finally accepted himself. That's why he felt so betrayed when Harry sexted with someone else.

When he finally got back on his feet he made some changes. He cut back on his hours, meaning that he stopped working overtime. He also went on a date with a man named Carl. He was a nice man and they dated a few times and he slept with him. Once. It was okay. He topped of course. Bottoming was too personal, something he had only done with Harry. He had to be in love to do that and he couldn't see himself falling in love with someone else in the near future or ever for that matter. He and Carl broke it off on good terms. He wasn't ready to date yet but he was glad that he had done it and he was glad that he had sex with someone else even if it felt wrong afterward. It was a process of healing, a step in the right direction to get over Harry.

His mum called on a Sunday with bad news. She had been feeling ill lately and she told him that she had cancer. His whole world fell apart. He got in his car and drove to Doncaster. He followed his mum to her next doctor's appointment and he was there when she started chemo.

It looked promising at first. It made her really sick and she lost her hair but it seemed to work. Except it didn't. Louis was right by her side holding her hand when the doctors told her that there was nothing else they could do.

He broke down crying and so did the rest of his family. His mum told them that she wanted to speak with them one on one and he waited until he was the only one left. He started to cry again as soon as he entered the room alone. His mum held out her arms and he ran over to her and hugged her closely.
"I don't know what I'm gonna do without you."

"You're gonna do just fine sweetie. You listen to me now. You're allowed to grieve for a while but don't let it consume you. Let it all out and then you move on okay? Promise me that you will always be there for your brother and sisters." Jay said emotionally.

"Of course. I promise mum." Louis said sincerely.

"Don't let anyone put you down for who you are. You live your truth and promise me to be proud of who you are." Jay continued and stroked his hair.

"I promise." Louis sobbed.

"Don't work too much. Get your priorities straight. Choose love honey, every day." Jay said.

"I know. I screwed up." Louis sobbed.

"It's not too late. If you love Harry, ask for a second chance. Swallow your pride love, you two were so good together. He's the one." Jay smiled.

"He is but it's too late." Louis whined.

"You don't know that if you don't ask. Don't wait too long, then it will be too late and you'll regret it for the rest of your life. I don't want you to have any regrets. I want you to be happy and I want you to be brave enough to pursue that happiness, every day." Jay finished off.

They hugged and they cried. Louis spent as much time at the hospital as he could. He had talked to the team and explained the situation and he started to work part-time.

He had come home late last night and he slept in. He didn't have to be at work before 4 o'clock for practice. He was woken up by a knock on his front door and got up from bed with a grunt. He walked over to open it in pajama pants. His hair was messy but he didn't care. His eyes grew wide from surprise when he opened the door.
"Harry!" He gasped.

"Hi Lou, I heard about your mum. I'm so sorry. What can I do?" Harry asked, eyeing him in concern.