Lethal Obsession

29.

"I have a hole where my heart should be and nowhere else to go."

― George R.R. Martin

"It is not easy to keep silent when silence is a lie."

― Victor Hugo

"Oh what an ill fate it was that has made me love that man."

― Iris Murdoch

"You promise me heaven, then put me through hell"

- You Give Love A Bad Name – Bon Jovi

Chapter 29

The severe pain in my chest was the only thing that made me believe I was still alive. Watching the downpour through the window of the vehicle I was driving in, I could only exist. I didn't think. In my head, a cobweb filled a void full of words. I didn't feel. There was a hole in my heart filled with darkness whose bottom couldn't be seen. The condition I was in was almost indescribable. The dried tear that left a visible mark on my cheek was the only confirmation of my being. The world was cruel and I was at its center.

"Miss?"

Somewhere in the distance, a tone was heard. Yet it was not strong enough to break through the spider web that had captured my senses.

"Miss?"

Once again, a little stronger. The web broke in a couple of places but was still yet to lose. It held onto the last atoms of strength, just like me.

"Miss ?!"

This time, the tone was too loud to not break through the barrier. I jerked. For the first time after who knows how long I felt control of my body. I lazily looked away from the window and through the rearview mirror, my eyes connected with old, tired, green orbs.

"Excuse me, did you say something?" I mumbled. My voice sounded unrecognizable even to my ears. However, the stranger behind the wheel was not interested in that, he probably had too many problems of his own. Everyone always does.

"Where do you want me to drive you?" A very simple and logical question when you take a taxi, and yet, the answer was more than complicated.

I looked around as if that would help me find the answer. The pressure I felt to respond was so strong I barely whispered to him to drop me a few meters down the street. Luckily, I had cash in the jacket I was wearing. When I ran out of Mateo's penthouse I didn't take anything with me, I didn't even think about it. Wallet, phone, bag, everything was left there, and again, I didn't care.

I wandered the streets of a city I thought would give me a new beginning, a new hope, a new something. I wanted to believe that. I had to because the alternative was a million times worse. And yet, as large drops of rain fell on my exhausted body on a dark night, I wondered what the truth really was.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but aimless walking led me to the familiar bridge. Uncertainly, I reached the very edge and leaned against the fence, which was the only barrier between life and death. I sighed deeply and looked down at the river whose water level was rising minute by minute due to the rain that was falling ceaselessly. I was completely wet, my hair was sticking to my face and my clothes were so soaked that they completely clung to my body. However, just like before, I didn't care.

I wondered how long the downpour that had ravaged the city must last for a catastrophic flood to hit its very heart. The waves were big and mighty, aggressive, in complete madness, just like my emotions. As if imitating the movements of the river, tears began to fall uncontrollably down my cheeks. They could not be distinguished from raindrops, but there also was no living soul around me who could even try. The city was eerily quiet, with no passers-by, cars, anything but a rainfall. It was as if they respected the sadness that demanded I feel it.