Lethal Obsession

22.

"Not every "sorry" deserves an "It's okay" in return."

"Why does she stay?" is code for some people for "It's her fault for staying," as if victims intentionally choose to fall in love with men intent upon destroying us."

– Morgan Steiner

"Love is the most dangerous weapon in the world. It's more unstable than uranium."

– Rick Yancey

"...And he's got my name,
Tattooed on his arm his lucky charm
So I guess it's okay he's with me
And I hear people talk
Trying to make remarks keep us apart
But I don't even hear
I don't care..."

- Criminal – Britney Spears

Chapter 22

At almost any point in my life, I was able to recognize and describe my feelings. It didn't matter if it was fear, sadness, anger or happiness, at least some sort of hint was always there, letting me know why my heart was pounding like crazy in my chest, why I was shaking or why tears were pouring down my face. However, in the moments after Mateo's slap, I was so overwhelmed with many different emotions, I got to the point where I was out of reality. I existed in time and space, but that was it. I just existed, as if that was my only purpose. I sat motionlessly on the floor, staring off into the distance. I wasn't aware of the things around me. It was as if suddenly darkness had engulfed my body, there was nothing else left, just the dull beating of my heart.

"Baby?" Like an echo, the sound of a trembling voice came to my senses, and yet, there was nothing.

"Tara?" Again, the same voice, the same echo, the same nothing.

Somewhere deep inside I knew I had to bring myself back, to make myself think again, to look, but it was difficult. I was a prisoner of my own emotions I wasn't even able to recognize. I was so engrossed in the nothingness that I bareley felt someone's skin on my body and I didn't even react when afterward I couldn't feel my feet touching the floor anymore. The only thing I was aware of was that it didn't last long. A second later, I found myself on an uneven surface, yet, I still didn't react. The state I was in couldn't be called a state of shock anymore, it was worse than that, much more dangerous.

However, it seemed that there was a way out for me as well. As if struck by the strongest force there was, I jerked the moment the boy, whom I later recognized as Mateo, brought his hands to my cheeks and cupped them gently. At that moment, everything was brought on me as if it had fallen off a cliff. I was finally awakened from whatever trance I was in.

I didn't wait long. I jumped off his lap and for the first time that night, I looked at him, really seeing him. His eyes were wide, worried, and they were hiding another emotion I couldn't decipher, but which was strangely reminiscent of fear. It was laughable, really. I could hardly imagine Mateo afraid. He jumped after me, but it was rather obvious that he himself had no idea what he should do. His demeanor was proof enough that he didn't even know how what had happened had happened. I had a slight suspicion though seeing as It wasn't the first time someone hit me. The only thing left for me was to hope it was the last.

"Tara, love, I ..." he paused. He didn't know what to say or how to justify himself. Was justification even possible? I shook my head and once again raised my hand to touch my cheek. It didn't hurt that much, but I still felt a slight tingling and numbness. Even though I didn't look at the mirror, I was sure it was bruised.

"Princess, forgive me, please!" he ran to my side by I took a step back and raised my hand in front of my body, stopping him from coming near me. I kept shaking my head, trying to keep the treacherous tears from falling.