Lethal Obsession

21.

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it."
― Flannery O'Connor

"We are all born mad. Some remain so."
― Samuel Beckett

"Be worthy of love if you want to be loved."

― Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"...Twisted like wire in your arms
A dangerous place for my heart
But you know I love getting off on the thrill
Turn me from water to wine
I'm wasted all of the time
So do it, baby
Go in for the kill..."

- Mad Love – JoJo

Chapter 21

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, hours into days, and days into years, or at least that was how it felt like. Sitting nervously on uncomfortable plastic chairs in the hospital wing and waiting for any glimmer of hope for the betterment of your friend could do that to a person. The room reeked of different emotions, mainly shock, disbelief and worry. Not one of us was able to come to terms with what had happened. Victor, the person who had never in his life even thought of consuming any type of narcotics, and who spoke against them with such passion and fire, was laying in the intensive care unit and was fighting for his life due to an overdose. We all wondered what had really happened, what made him do that. The doctors were trying everything in their power to save him, to keep him alive, but it wasn't easy at all since no one knew what kind of drugs were on the verge of killing him. To make matters worse, nothing was found in his belongings that could help us figure it out.

"How's this even possible?" I was brought back into reality by Emma's weeping voice. We all silently agreed with her. "I mean, he never used that shit, you know, because of his father..." her voice cracked in the end. She was literally breaking down right in front of us and yet, no one could do anything. Sarah tried to comfort her, pulling her to her body and running her hand through her hair, but nothing helped.

No matter how complicated their relationship was, Emma loved Victor, and waiting helplessly while the love of your life was fighting to survive just a few meters away was much harder for any comforting words to work. It was almost like an insult. Nevertheless, I admired her strength at that moment. Yes, she was a crying mess but she was still strong, still hoping, still believing. I couldn't even imagine how my hysterical self would act in her place. I shuddered at the very thought and clung to Mateo's upper arm who was sitting next to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me up and made me sit on his lap. He finally kissed me on the top of my head and I let out a breath, resting my head on his chest. The steady beating of his heart gave me at least some kind of comfort.

"Who could've done this to him?" Stephan asked, interrupting the uncomfortable silence.

"Some dickhead, that's who!" Luke spat.

I felt truly sorry for them. Victor was their best friend and yet, the only thing they could do at that moment was to suppress their emotions as much as humanly possible. The toxic masculinity that seemed like a requirement in society, had such a strong and awfully wrong impact on men that sometimes I wondered how they were even able to live with themselves. There was a time when the only thing I needed to feel better was to cry, but could they? They would probably be seen as weak, even though the truth would be far from it. Life can be damn cruel.

"Why do you all think that someone put drugs in his drink? Maybe he just wanted to have fun," Mateo spoke for the first time since we arrived in the hospital. Felling beyond confused, I raised my head and looked at him. He usually avoided talking to my friends, and yet there he was, initiating the conversation.