Scars

Part 38

Nichole's POV:

'Ok.  Sounds good,' I texted Maddie, as her and I were going to meet for lunch later today to talk over things concerning Alexis.  And the truth was, I was glad we were meeting.  Because I really needed to talk to someone.  And as of right now, Maddie was the only one who knew about the entire situation with Alexis, not only about her pregnancy, but also about the law suit with Cal.  Because as of yet, I hadn't told anyone else, especially about the law suit, most importantly not even Alexis.  

And the reason I hadn't told Alexis yet was because, quite honestly, I was afraid.  Terrified, in fact.  Even scared shitless, if you wanted to be exact. 

And what was I scared of?  I was scared of absolutely everything.  I was scared of what she might do once I told her.  And of how she would react. I was scared of how it would effect her health, both mentally and physically.  But not only her health, but our baby's health, as well.  But more than anything, I was scared of the consequences, both short term and longterm.  Because perhaps the whole thing would just be too much for her to handle.  Because the fact was, everyone had their breaking point.  And Lexi was no exception.  So in short, there was just no way of knowing what all of this could lead to.  So yes, needless to say, the whole thing completely terrified me.

But at the same time, I knew I needed to tell her, and to tell her soon.  But that's where Maddie came in.  Because I needed her help to get me to the point where I was able to do exactly that.  Because as of right now, I just wasn't there.  So yes, lunch with her would be good. As I hoped it would push me towards that exact direction.

"I'm about to go to work", I said, early on a Friday morning, as Alexis and I were standing in the kitchen, as both of us were about to head off to work. 

"Ok", she said.  "Well, have a nice day."

"Yeah, you too.  I love you", I said, as I kissed her goodbye.  

"I love you too", she said, as she kissed me goodbye, as well.

"I'll text you later", I said, somberly, barely even able to look her in the eye, as I put my shoes and coat on.  

Because the fact was... I was lying to my wife.  

Straight out lying to her.  About the lawsuit.  And about why I was meeting with her sister.  And honestly, it made me feel extremely guilty.  Because lying to her wasn't something I ever wanted to do.  And not to mention, it made me feel extremely distracted, and worried and stressed out beyond belief of exactly how to handle this whole situation.  Of exactly how and when to tell her.  Because I knew, without a doubt, that it had to be done extremely carefully and it had to be done right.  And how to exactly do that... well, I just wasn't exactly sure.  That was the entire dilemma. 

"Are you... ok?", she asked, concerned, as she obviously sensed my uneasiness.  

"Umm... yeah", I lied, yet again, not wanting to worry her, by letting on that something was terribly wrong.  

"Are you sure?", she asked, not convinced at all that I was telling her was the truth.  Because, after all, it was more than obvious, to me at least, that I wasn't being honest.  And all I could do was hope that she didn't pick up on that. 

"Yeah.  I'm just kinda... tired, is all."

"Tired?", she asked.

"Yeah.  I... I didn't sleep very good last night."  And honestly, this time I was telling the truth.  In fact, I hadn't been sleeping good at all lately, ever since I had gotten the letter about the lawsuit in the mail.  Because ever since then, sleep had been hard to come by.  And my conscience had been weighing on me heavily, as I continued to lie to her.  Day in and day out, making sleep nearly impossible.