Pleasing (H.S)

eighteen

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Iris 

I was at work when Chris texted me the photos that I didn't want to see. He is out with her and I know that he would never cheat on me but it hurts to see him go back to the person that hurt him so much. 

I have trust issues. They started long ago when Emma's biological father decided that he didn't want kids but later he found the true love and now he has a family, a family that Emma isn't a part of. And I tried so much to get over it, to get over the fact that I wasn't enough. I thought that I eventually did it but I guess I didn't. 

I love Harry and his action hurt my feelings more than I want to admit. I can't show it, though. Emma can't understand that I am sad, that something happened. I have to be happy for her but I know that the moment she asks me to call Harry for a Goodnight I will break down, I will burst into tear and I will not be able to stop. 

I told him about my trust issues, I told him everything about them but he decided to meet her behind my back. I don't mind that he wanted to she her, he wanted the closure. I mind the lies. He told me that he can't come back home today afternoon because he had a meeting with Jeff. I don't know why he wanted to do that so secretly. I don't bite. 

Harry is over Camille, it took him 2 years and a couple of failed relationships but he told me yesterday that he is over her. I don't think that is true. Camille is Harry's first love and it's hard to get over that one. Everyone is saying that you better not to fall in love with someone who had their first love, but we couldn't help it. We both have it, we both were in love with others before we met. But I know that Harry is the one. I look at him and my whole universe lights up. He is the ray of sunshine I was seeking. 

My pregnancy wasn't a happy time at all. I was depressed because the man that I thought that I was going to spend my whole life with wasn't with me and then I had a difficult pregnancy. A risky one may I add. I found a shelter under poetry. I read a lot of poems and a lot of poets. My favorite one was Yiannis Ritsos, a Greek poet. He wrote a poem named Moonlight sonata and I found his words so inspiring. 

I know that each one of us travels to love alone,

alone to faith and to death. 

I know it. I've tried it. It doesn't help.

Let me come with you.

That's exactly how I feel right now. I want to travel this path with Harry. I want to follow him down this stupid road because I'm one step ahead of him. I want him to walk right over me, take my hand and guide into this forest that love is.

I forget sometimes that I am one step ahead of him. I forget that he doesn't have a child, he doesn't know how to be a parent. I have already started a family, on my own, with no one other that my own family, to have my back. I have a daughter, this precious little human being that loves me to death.

I had given myself the promise to not fall in love again. But then Harry came into my life and as many know Harry is love. He is passion embodied, he is a person who radiates love and happiness and I would be stupid if I didn't see it. He is the one, I'm sure.

We are together only three months, but we know each other longer. We haven't started as friends, we were a situationship that bloomed the right way. I have come into conclusion that Harry is the one a few weeks ago. The way he looks at me, the way he cares about Emma, the words, the songs, everything makes me want to spend my whole life with him.

My father met my mother at 1985. They fell madly in love and they got married 3 months into the relationship. And I think that I carry my mother's fate.