I can't do this anymore

Chapter 27 - dont give up

Carmeñ's pov:

'Okay talk' Jill said as we sat opposite each other on her sofa. We had to leave in 45 mins to go to Viv's
'It's just hard being here without him. I have only known life with him and it's just different' I said and she pulled me onto her lap. 'I just miss him. I miss having him around and hearing him speak. I miss his laugh and just everything. It was okay when I was in Spain because we were all going through the same thing. But here nothing has stopped. Everything is the same and it's just hard to accept and move on with my life. I just feel a bit numb. I'm not sure how to feel. I feel almost guilty for continuing with my life. Like I don't want him to think I have forgotten him because I haven't. It's just been hard' I admitted sighing.
'Listen I know it's hard but he wanted you to continue living. He didn't want you to put your life on hold just for him. You are allowed to be sad but you are not allowed to give up on yourself. You have to keep going. Cry, scream and shout as much as you need but don't stop your life. There are so many people who would be your shoulder to cry on and I saw the way you look at a particular number 17. Just don't give up okay' she said through tears.

We both lay there for a while before Jill's phone rang.
'Hallo?'
'Jill you were supposed to be here 10 minutes ago and we are all waiting for you to bring the flour to make the food hurry upppp' Daan's voice said very loudly.
'Shit okay we are coming'
'Good I miss Carmeñ'
'You only saw her like and hour ago'
'And. Hurry uppp' and she hang up.
'Right we have to go' Jill said and pulled me up.
'Come on then'

We rang the door bell only 20 minutes late and it was opened by a brunette. I didn't recognise her until Jill said
'Hey Lisa' and pulled her into a hug. Viv's girlfriend. Okay I can remember that.
'And the famous Carmeñ Le Tissiè' she said and hugged me as well.

We were dragged into a room and I was met by the familiar smell of food. I loved Viv's cooking.
'Vivi look at your cooking for me' I said as I spotted her in the kitchen.
'Anything for you klein' she said and winked at me making me smile. Viv's face lit up when she saw that I had properly smiled. I had taken Jill's advice and I was going to continue to live my life the best I can. For him.

'So Beth are you excited that you are hosting the euros?' I asked the English girl next to me.
'Yeah I feel like we are always over looked as a team but we are ready to show that we are one of the best.' She said. I nodded.
'What about you are you excited?'she said.
'Yeah I know that we have the ability to win we just need to continue working hard' I said smiling talking about my country.
'I can see you are very proud of your county' she said
'I am and we all are and I think that is what really drives us. We believe that our country is the best and we want to prove that' I said.
'I get that and it really does show. You guys are very highly ranked' she said and we chatted more about the euros.

'Okay food is ready!' Viv said from the table. Me and Jill looked at each other then jumped up and ran into the room.
'Gosh children chill out!'Daan said as we almost crashed into her.
'Sorry Daan' we said at the same time. She hugged me.
'It's okay klein'
'What about me' Jill said pouting. I stuck my tongue out at her and smiled. Her face softened and she hugged me aswell. Viv joined us as well.
'I love you guys' I said. Lisa and Beth walked in.
'Did we miss something?'

We spent the rest of dinner chatting and laughing. Lisa and Beth seemed really sweet and I was glad I had met them. I felt a lot better after tell Jill everything. I owed her a lot. I yawned.
'Do you wanna go home?' Daan asked me. I was laying on her lap and nodded.
'Okay I'll go get Jill'

She came back with Jill and she pulled me up.
'Am I taking you home?' She asked. I nodded
'Come on then let's say goodbye'

We said our goodbyes and got into the car.
'Thank you Jilly'
'What do you mean'
'That little talk really helped' I said and she smiled.
'I know I saw you properly smile' she said. I smiled again
'Yep and it won't go.'

We chatted and laughed until we reached my apartment.
'I'll miss you Jilly' I said into her shoulder.
'I'll miss you to klein but I'll see you soon yeah and don't forget to call' she said. I pulled away
'Okay I love you Jilly'
'I love you to' she said. I blew her a kiss and walked into the building.

'Hola chickassss' I said as I walked into the flat. Niamh Magda and Pernille sat around a small table on the floor in front of the TV. They had some sort of board game in front of them.
'Vauxhall!' Niamh said and i slapped the back of her head.
'Owwww' she complained and rubbed the stop where I had hit her. I smiled and sat down on the sofa. I knew that Barça was playing in 10 mins so i flicked to the right channel. I had watched all of their games and would call Lex after.
'Hey M and P' I said to the other women blowing them both a kiss.
'Hey Lee' they said at the same time making me chuckle.
'Where's Jess?' I asked suddenly aware that the Canadian wasn't around.
'Someone said my name?' Jessie asked as she walked into the room. Right on time.
'J!' I said and I got up to hug her. She hugged me back and when we pulled apart Niamh had her camera out.
'See I don't get this sort of hello' she said and I stuck my tongue out at her.
'Come on kick off is in a minute' I said dragging Jessie with me over to the sofa. She sat on the floor leaning against my legs.

Barça won 4-0 and i FaceTimed Lex.
/'well done Lexy'/ I said as the familiar face appeared on the screen. I was in the kitchen sitting on a stall with my phone leaning on a glass on the island.
/'thank you my love'/ she said smiling. She opened her mouth to say something else when the phone was taken away and the face of Mapi appeared on my screen.
/'hey Carssss'/ she sang at me. I laughed at her and her face soften.
/'hey maps look at you with a clean sheet'/ I said
/'what can I say I'm just amazing'/
/'you sure are'/

We had been talking for about 45 minutes and the phone had been passed around the changing room so everyone could say hi. I was talking to Patri when Jessie walked in.
'Lee M and P are leaving now' she said coming over to me and resting her arm on my shoulder.I looked up at her
'Okay I'll come and say bye'
'Okay' she said and walked out again. I looked back at the screen to see Patri wiggling her eyebrows at me
/'shut up!'/ I said.

We were laying on the sofa watching TV as it reached about 10pm. Niamh stood up.
'I'm shattered I'm going to bed goodnight Lee and Jess' she said to us.
'Night Charlie' I blew her a kiss
'Goodnight Niamhy' Jess said and she walked out.

'Come here' Jessie said and she opened her arms to me. I layed in her arms while she stoked my hair.
'You seem better' she said and i hummed in agreement.
'Jilly talked some sense into me' I said.
'It was nice to see you smile' she said back and I held her waist tighter.
'Thank you' I whispered.
'For what?' She asked
'For being here'

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