Military Girlfriend

Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

To say I felt empty inside would be a massive understatement, I found myself lunging at my phone every time it made a sound or walking to my mailbox at least five times a day to see if Jay had written me. I felt lost and bored having my life go back to the way it was before I met Jay. It's strange isn't it? To think that your life is ok the way it is and then the next thing you start asking yourself is how ive managed so long without this person in my life.

Nancy had noticed my mood dramatically shift so she gave me the week off to glue myself back together, but honestly I found myself yearning to work. Because it filled my time and it was the only thing I found myself pouring myself into. I didn't want to be known as that pathetic girl who needed a man in her life to live, it's just hard though, when the person you never want to leave does and you aren't sure when you'll recieve that letter you've been longing for or the phone call that brings you to tears because you finallly heard their voice telling you that they're safe.

It's been two weeks since Jay and I departed each other from the airport, and it's already hell without him. I take his car sometimes for a drive just because it fills my mind of memories of him and I find deep comfort in the way his car smells like him. The way his leather seats hug my body makes me want to relax deeper into them and imagine the day i'll be able to feel his arms around me again. Is it normal to feel this way or am I just some freak? Because I swear im going insane without him, and to be honest its not because im clingy or pathetic or need a man, Its because while he's fighting in combat, im here and theres no way for me to know how he really is out there. I've been having nightmares since he left of me being on the battlefield, watching from a distance as I watch Jay get shot and no matter how hard or long I run I cant reach him as I watch him pull out my necklace and call for me, yet there's nothing I can do to help. I start thinking what if that did happen and I just havent been informed, I have bags under my eyes from staying up at night trying to rid the terrible image. My tears try to wash them away but I cant stop thinking how I cant help him. It scares me....

I picked up a few books up about dealing with your first deployment, trying to find ways of how other woman have done it, I read that there are support groups that the wifes and girlfriends put together just so they can vent and have someone relate to them. Maybe I should go and check one out?

The letter Jay had written and left me in my nightstand table is tucked under my pillow, the paper looks like its at least a year old by how many times i've read and unfolded it just to find some sort of release for my stress. I can probably tell you exactly what it says, even though there are a few water marks on where my tears fell when I read it.

I remember it too, me coming back from the airport as I ran into my apartment bawling. I went straight to my nightstand to find Jay's handwriting written across the top of the envelope addressing my name. I couldnt have ripped it open fast enough as my eyes dried long enough for my eyes to take in every written out word that came from the heart of my boyfriend.

"Dear Shaylee,

If you're reading this, it means that i'm deployed a lot sooner then I ever wanted to go. You'll have also realized i'm not very good at expressing my words in person so im here writing this in the middle of the night. As of right now you're laying next to me sound asleep, and i'm smiling feeling so blessed that you are mine. I love watching you sleep, and I dont mean that in anyway creepy at all. I just like how peaceful you look with your lips slightly parted and how your hair falls on your face as I brush it away. You're so beautiful Shay, i'm going to miss these moments. God i'm going to miss you, you're the highlight of my day and I find myself thinking about you when you're away from me, and as much as I love it I hate it because I feel so vulnerable. Which makes leaving a lot harder for me, but babe when I am gone please dont worry about me. I'll be fine ive done this before and I know what is expected. Of course right now I can picture you rolling your eyes telling me im not a fortune teller and I dont know what the future brings so I better be cautious. So here I am promising you, that i'll be back when I can safe and sound. I'll do whatever it takes to come home to you. You in general will have me fighting tooth and nail just so I can hold you in my arms again and kiss your lips. I feel so proud to call you mine and you dont even know it. Theres this picture I took of you when you were laughing, you looked so beautiful that I had to capture the memory in the moment. Needless to say I printed it out and its in my uniform pocket waiting for me on the days I feel like I can no longer go on. Also since im so proud your mine, I plan on showing my friends at base just how beautiful you are and how you're all mine. I didn't want to make this letter like a goobye and make it sad, its just a reminder for you that i'll be coming home. So stay stronger babe, and keep my side of the bed warm for when I return. I'll miss you more than you'll ever know.

Love always

        Jay."

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A/N: I know this chapter is kind of a filler but I promise it will get better as the story continues on. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has voted and continued to read this story. None of you realize how happy it makes me when you guys vote just to know my writing is liked <3

Anyway I hope everyone is doing well.

Until next time ...

Midnight_Writer97 :)