Military Girlfriend

Chapter 32

Look who's back from the dead! ;) Sorry for the wait on this, been super busy. Thanks for all your support while I was gone. You guys are amazing. <3 I'd also like to thank the wonderful girl who made me my cover!!

Chapter 32:

        Sometimes life has ways to slap us in the face, but this felt like the wind was knocked out of me. I sit here struggling to breathe as I stare at Jay with no change. A Styrofoam cup that was filled with hot coffee sits on the table behind me. I'm sure it's as cold as can be and has developed the milky color it gets when it sits for too long. The TV has some weird MTV show on but I don't have the energy to change it, don't really have the energy for much. Its been three days that I've been here. I'm here as soon as visiting hours start and stay till they kick me out. Of course i've been switching out with Jay's family members, in respect to them and Jay but I get so afraid to leave. They say no news is better than bad news but I've been doing everything not to lose it. My nails are bitten so far down that they are red around the edges with a few dried blood spots. I haven't slept since i've got the news, nightmares seem to wake me if I dare close my eyes, and it takes me everything I have to walk from Jay's room to the waiting room. I'm a walking zombie.

The constant beeps from machines, and nurses coming in ever so often has become comforting to me. Jay still hasn't moved from the ICU, I can't think about it too long though or i'll drive myself mad. You feel so defeated when the one you love is in a terrible situation and all you can do is sit here wishing it was you and not them. The bandages they have to wrap his bullet hole injury is changed often, normally i'd be squeamish if it was a stranger, but after everything that has happen I don't think nothing can phase me now. I'm staring at the white tiles, when there is a knock at the door. I look up robotic to see Jay's aunt offering me a small smile. I muster up one myself as I stand up and kiss Jay on his forehead whispering how much I love him and walk to the door with one last turn to him promising my return.

"Honey, why don't you go back to the house and sleep for a bit. I'll be home shortly and I can make us a nice dinner." His Aunt kindly offers. Ever since I've been here she refuses to let me stay at a hotel and since they rented a place closer to the hospital in case of an emergency, she sent me up in a spare room. She's been nothing but amazing and I can see why her and Jay are so close.

"I think i'll hang around here for a bit more, but dinner sounds nice. Thank you, and i'll be sure to help when I get back."

"You don't need to help, but please know Jay wouldn't want you to stay by his side like this. He would want you to make sure you put yourself first."

"I know, but I also know if that was me laying there he wouldn't leave me. No matter how much he knows I want him to put him first." She gives me a knowing smile as she squeezes my hand and walks into the room. She mutters something to Jay like i'm a keeper and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. Which is the first real smile I've had since Jay and I were actually together. I'm lost without his bright eyes, and I need them staring at me soon. They give me strength and comfort and for him to just hug me again is all I need.

Since I decided I'm staying and I don't want to wait in the waiting room, I go down to the cafeteria and grab a soda and a turkey sandwich. It taste horrible and wouldn't be my first pick but I at least need to eat to get some strength back. The soda helps wash down the dry bread as I stare out at the highway with cars going by. I can't helping thinking how normal that they all look casually driving and how far I felt from being normal. They all were off to work or vacation or somewhere, some dread going where ever they are but at least they aren't confined in these walls hoping their loved ones will pull through another night. Somewhere in this hospital babies are being born right now, and other parts of this hospital some are dying. While one is taking it's first breathe and filling their lungs for the first time as a whole life is set out before them, another takes it's last surrounded by family as they reminisce on the life they all shared. That's the cruel reality of this world, but somewhere in their is also a sign of hope. I guess it just pertains on our outlook on this world. And it's up to us to find strength and hope in devastation.

I crumble up my napkin and throw the plastic container and soda can away as I walk to the elevator and ride it up to the ICU. Jay's Aunt is just now leaving his room when I return and I breathe out a sigh of relief knowing I don't have to wait. She kisses me on my cheek and hugs me goodbye as she promises to see me at home. I take a couple more steps to Jay's room and make my way to the uncomfortable blue pattern chair I left next to him.

"I missed you baby." I say kissing his forehead again since the ventilator blocks his lips. I talk to him like I would if he could hear me, since the doctors said some can. I lay my head on his bed and hold his hand as my eyes become heavy and I fall asleep. My last thought is, how good it finally feels to be home next to him. No matter if this is,is as close I can get.

* * *

I'm lunging out of the chair when I'm awaken by a long beeping sound. I look up to see Jay's heart monitor to be flat lined and him seizing, I can't breathe as I stand their stunned. I start screaming for help when nurses and doctors are already coming in with the paddles they use to make the heart start beating again. I'm hysterically crying, as i'm screaming wanting to know what is wrong. I stand in the back so i'm out of the way and pray he will be ok as I try to look over everyone's shoulders. I see them ripping the gown off his chest and rubbing the paddles together. One yells clear as they all step away and I watch Jay's body jerk up some more. They're pushing some medicine into his IV as I look up at the monitor, the long beeping noise is still continuing as I'm screaming for them to save him.

Nurses are dragging me out of the room no matter how much I fight. They close his door and I can no longer see, I feel the nausea take over as i'm overwhelmed with all the possibilities and puke in a trash can by me. Through the tears and the vomit I can't think straight. But one thing I keep asking myself is, How do I continue without the only person I've ever loved?