Do I Ship It? (Harry Potter)

Some Rant

I'm crying.

I'm so angry right now.

I know that my family is against gay people (yes, I will say 'gay' because they don't seem to think that any other sexualities exist) but at least they never usually talk about it. Though, whenever they do I always get extremely pissed off and upset. Well, my mother and brother were just talking about it so be prepared for me to go on a rant.

It all started when my mother was talking about how she really wanted a granddaughter and saying that someone better give one to her. I said not me, because I don't want kids. Then she said my brother wouldn't have any girls and only boys because he was too macho (like what?). He said as long as they weren't gay.

From that point I could already feel my face heating up because I knew that he had just started something. From there he went all to say that of he had any gay kids he would kick them out. EXCUSE ME? You haven't even got a girlfriend yet and are only sixteen and you're already talking about the fact that if you had a gay kid you'd kick him out. I honestly don't understand how anybody could do that to their own kid. It's so terrible and wrong. My mom did say that he can't do that. Though he just laughed and said that he could and he would send him to my parents house. She just responded by saying that he wouldn't have any gay kids. How would she know that? Does she think that the way they're raised will prevent it? She's wrong because the amount of lgbt+ people who live in a family of homophobic people is so sad. I only hope that by brother doesn't have any gay kids for the sake of them. I couldn't even imagine being disowned. I guess if they were I'd definitely take them in.

My brother went on and got me even more pissed. He said 'where are all these gay people even coming from? There's been a lot more lately. They seem to think it's right all of the sudden'. Like bitch wtf? It's obviously because people lately have been a lot more accepting (though I do feel like it's starting to go downhill once more). Kids aren't as afraid to come out because more parents are understanding. Like, you're (my family) literally some of the only people who are still against it. Clearly you need to open your damn eyes and see it's you and not them.

My mothers response was 'well it's not'. By this point I'm already losing my shit. Her next words are probably not exactly what she said but they're pretty effing close. 'They clearly haven't read the bible. Or they just missed a whole section or they are interpreting it completely wrong. God burned down whole cities because of people like that.'

I mean, like whole time I've been standing there completely silent. I really hope they didn't notice my red face.

Okay, mother, clearly you haven't read the bible. When will homophobic people understand that God does love everyone. If he really was against lgbt people that much, then what kind of person are we really looking up to? Why is it that there are so many other problems in this word, but people spread so much hate because of love? It just doesn't make any sense whatsoever. And when the f did God burn down cities because of gay people? Okay, I get that I never read the bible but I can just never see that happening. I mean, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

I'm not super religious, but I do believe that there is a god. What I don't believe is that he would hate gay people when he is supposed to be the one person who loves everyone no matter what. Why do people think that gay people are an exception? I strongly believe that he loves lgbt+ people as much as straight people.

At this point you should understand that I'm either gay myself or just strongly support the community. Well, let me just say that there is no way in hell I'm straight. I don't know my sexuality yet. I just hate knowing that I have to constantly tell myself I'm not a lesbian, because if I was I don't know how I could ever live with the way that my family is. Even if I was bi, or pan (I'm more likely pan) I could never have a girlfriend or even come out. I hate knowing that I could really like a girl and possible she could even like me back but there is no way anything could ever happen between us.

I wish I was strong and could stand up for myself. I just can't. I couldn't even say anything today when my mother and brother were talking about it.

Lately I feel like I've been constantly holding a grudge when it came to my mother. I don't know why, but I feel like everything she does gets me pissed off and I can't help it. Now I think I understand what's causing. It's sad. Will I never really be happy around her? It almost seems like it.

Honestly guys, I have no idea what to do anymore. I can't even tell my best friend about my struggles, for heavens sake. I think she even is homophobic, but I'm not positive. Either way, I'm not ready to take a risk by telling her. About a week or two after I told my ex-best friend she completely ditched me. She stopped eating lunch with me and wouldn't say a word to me and I never got an explanation. Yet she said that she completely supports the community. I should have known She even constantly used the word 'faggot' as an insult, just like the rest of my school. . .

What do I do?

Okay, I think this is the end of my rant. I think that's what I can call it?

Anyway, I think I'll be updating this (story?) later today. Maybe I can do Harry x Cedric?