Formula One - One-Shots Collection - Complete

2 - Lewis Hamilton

"The news isn't good, Miss Bennett." 

I stared at the doctor as I watched her mouth moving, the words were coming out but I didn't want to listen, not really.

"I'm afraid I'm going have to refer you for more tests. The truth of the matter is, at this moment in time your mind and body are not working together. The hormones that are released from your body to help with ovulating, aren't being released."

My eyes stared at the woman in front of me. It didn't help knowing what was wrong, not when I knew it was all my fault. My long blue painted nails tapped along my thighs as I nodded slightly. 

"All this stems from your illness when you are younger," her words haunted me when she said that. It just seemed like just my luck that something I did as a young person would affect the rest of my life. "We can and are going to refer you for more tests, if I was you though, I would start to think about alternative options."

I held my head in my hands for a moment, how would I tell Lewis? After five years of being together, we'd been trying to get pregnant for nearly a year now. It was hard and I guess I had my suspicions that I was the one to blame. Looking back up at her, I held my head up high before giving her a curt nod. "Thank you," picking up my handbag from the floor I got to my feet. "Thank you very much," I didn't wait for her to say anything more before I left. 

Holding my bag close to me, I left the hospital before heading to my car that was waiting for me in the carpark. Unlocking it as I approached it, I pulled the door open before carelessly chucking my designer bag on the passenger seat before climbing in and slamming the door behind me. Sitting straight, I took a deep breath as I struggled to keep my composure. It seemed that every single thing you do does have an effect on your later life, I didn't know that when I was younger though. 

XOXOX

A smile curled on my lips as I looked up at my partner of 5 years, he had just arrived home from France after a long racing weekend. "Hey," I held the door open for him as I allowed him to enter our shared home. 

He stepped towards me, his hands on my shoulders before he leaned close to me pulling me into him. "I am so glad to see you," he pressed his lips against my cheek before his lips skirted over mine. "I've fucking missed you."

I pushed my lips against his, closing my eyes and enjoying us for a moment. I pulled him closer to me, I needed to feel him close to me. 

It had been a week since going to the hospital, I'd ignored the letters regarding more tests, I didn't need them. Everything was too much, I didn't want to admit the truth out loud but I knew at some point I was going to need to tell Lewis. 

As I pulled away from him, I stared into his dark eyes. "Please don't go away again," I used my teasing voice as I smirked at him. "I miss you too much when you are away."

Lewis kissed my forehead before he spoke, "I've told you time and time again. You should come along with me," he winked at me. "My bed gets pretty cold at night without you."

I smiled at him before I pulled out of his grip, I closed the door to our home before I turned back and looked at him. I watched as he slipped off his shoes and jacket, there was something about him that made me weak at the knees. Maybe it was because I could see he'd been working out, maybe it was the way he held himself. 

XOXOX

We were going to head out for a spot of dinner that evening but in the end we decided to stay in. I couldn't wait any longer, I needed to tell Lewis the truth tonight. 

He'd been with me for these five years, they were great, a beautiful five years but when it came to my past certain things had been glossed over. 

Sitting opposite him at the table in the large kitchen, my hands were shaking once we'd finished. I looked up at him, as I pushed my plate to the side out of my way as I tried to pluck up the courage to tell Lewis. 

"What's wrong, Ailsa?" He asked as he watched me wrestling with my emotions. 

"I went to the hospital," I told him as I wrapped my hands around my wine glass and pulled it close to me. "When I was younger," I took a deep breath, "I used to have an illness."

Lewis looked at me, his eyebrows were knotted in confusion. "What are you talking about? You have never told me about anything like this before." He didn't sound angry, he looked and sounded confused at my statement. 

My eyes darted from my wine glass before to Lewis, I knew I could trust him but I didn't want him to have to live with my past mistakes. "When I was a teenager, I had a bit of an eating disorder-"

"A what?" 

"I was anorexic," I blurted out quickly as I looked down at my glass. "I was anorexic and now I can't get pregnant." I looked up at him as I waited for his reaction. 

Lewis was staring at me, he looked like he had a lot of questions he wanted to ask but at the same time he looked like he had nothing to say. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know if I could comfort him in any way. His silence didn't reassure me of anything, in fact it scared me a little. He'd been my best friend and the only consistent person in my life for so long, I just wanted him to be honest with me. I wanted to hear his feelings but at the same time, I knew he wanted certain things in his life. 

"Please say something," I begged him as I stared waiting for him to respond.

He didn't reach out for me, he didn't say anything. He looked a little sad like he was trying to hide it from me. 

I closed my eyes as I looked down again, "I know we had plans." My voice trailed off as I thought of all the things I wanted. "Lewis," I looked up at him again. He wasn't quite looking at me, "I understand if this is too much for you. If you don't want to be with me-"

"Ailsa," he quickly spoke as he stood up. "Come here," he motioned for me to come close before I got to my feet. Rushing into his arms, he held me close to him as tears fell from my eyes. I was so overwhelmed with all the emotions rushing through me. "I don't want anybody else."

Letting myself cuddle into him I felt his top getting wet from my tears. "I don't want to do this alone."

"You're not alone," he told me as his strong hands brushed over my shoulders and rubbed my skin. "I promise, we can get through this together." His fingers were comforting as they brushed against my skin, "I love you, Ailsa. You are the strongest woman I know, there is no one else in this world that makes me feel the way you do."