A Hero In The Dark

Chapter 156: Broken

When I arrive at the academy it is still early. The sky is clear free of clouds, the stars twinkling above city light. The air cool brisk but bracing. Pixie flies alongside me, her mighty eagled wings flapping heavily in my ears.

Malcolm is the one to greet us when we land, holding a pen and clipboard in his hands.

"Where are the others?" I ask upon meeting.

"They are busy making the final preparations for the trip," he answers, then flips through the papers under the clip. "Everything should be set and ready before noon."

"Great," I say blandly, my expression slowly saddening as I ask my next question. "And my family? Where are they?"

Malcolm puts on a frown.

"They are waiting in yours and John's suite. I'll walk you there," he replies.

The fact that Malcolm offered to walk me to a place that I already know how to get to isn't lost on me. It is likely that John told him of my Father's passing. I don't know how ready I am to have a conversation where he gives his condolences.

Sure enough, Malcolm begins with the words I dread.

"I'm sorry," he starts slowly. "I'm sorry about what happened to your father. If there's anything I can do, you know that I'm here for you. We all are."

I stop my pace so that Malcolm stops his pace and I wave his sympathy away; nod my head in understanding and try not to appear distant.

"Thank you, Malcolm, but I really do not want to talk about it. It isn't that I don't appreciate it – I do – it's just that, I need to be left alone. Please."

For a moment Malcolm doesn't reply, resulting in a heavy silence that leaves our Chimærae and even the crickets quiet and motionless.

I turn away avert my gaze, feeling ashamed of trying to push Malcolm away. After everything he has been through; after all he has done to help. Until eventually, he puts a hand on my shoulder. Long enough that I turn to face him again, and even then, he keeps his hand where it is.

"I know this is hard for you," he says then. "Just try to take care of yourself." When he finally lowers his arm down to his side, he turns away from our dorms to head back to the HGA administration building. "If you ever need me, you know how to find me."

Then he is gone and I don't know how grateful I want to be.

I continue walking to our suite alongside Pixie to where my Mother and Brother are supposed to be. I walk through the courtyard past the suites for the rest of the faculty until I come across the cabin that John and I stay.

I walk and I enter.

There is only one light on – the light in our kitchenette. The door to the bedroom that John and I share is open; John is not here. Likely assisting with readying the ship for the journey. My Mother is sleeping on the couch in our lounge area, hugging my Brother who also sleeps daintily in her arms. She looks cross, uneasy, troubled.

I approach slowly to wrap a blanket over them and kiss their cheeks one by one. Then I whisper, "We'll get through this. One day at a time. I promise; I won't let anything happen to you."

I stand and head to the kitchenette and grab some lettuce for Pixie, hand it to her by the leaf. She nibbles it and I fill up a bowl of fresh water for her to drink, place it on the beige carpeted floor.

I use the washroom while Pixie eats, rinse my face with cold water, and stare at the pendants around my chest until mine emits a slight shimmer. If the heavy bags under my eyes aren't any indication, tonight is going to be a rough night.

Once I am finished in the bathroom, Pixie is sitting and waiting patiently for me at the door. My Mother and Brother still sleeping soundlessly on the couch, I take Pixie in my arms lay her on our bed and lay down beside her. She crawls into a brown warm ball at my feet and I stare up at the ceiling.

I stare up at the ceiling, let the exhaustion set in, lie and recall the mess of the day.

I lie and remember. No, that's not all. I don't just remember. I relive it. Relive it all.

Everything from helping Gordon make his way home to seeing Phiri Dun-Ra in my childhood home to witnessing my family on their knees to watching her sickening augmentations whirl around us to when it pierces my side pierces his chest. I relive it all.

I close my eyes try to shut it out but it stays it stays.

Every blink of the eye I see him.

Every time I shut them in the hopes to push it all away I see him.

I see him, see him stare, stare into my heart. Terrified, in pain, shocked, sorry. I see him and it breaks me. All over again like it did the first time.

I want to scream, but don't want to wake my Mother or Brother.

I want him back.