Tainted Love (bxb)

Chapter 19 - Time to say goodbye

"Riley!" I called after him, my voice sounding weaker than I felt. I felt helpless, but not weak, no, not at all. Because I didn't know how to approach him. Well, I guess I did already approach him, but he had just more or less broken up with his boyfriend of two years, because of what happened with me. Because of this stupid mating bond, that wouldn't let him forget, even if he wanted to. Because the problem was not only, that we had kissed, no, but that he most likely wanted to do it again. He was under the spell of the bond and not knowing what it was made it very hard for my mate to handle this strange feeling. 

Riley was rushing down the hallway to goddess knows where, probably just away. I had slipped out of the cafeteria and after him without anybody, besides my friends, noticing. They were still so shocked that what had happened actually happened, that they weren't even able to tell me, if that was a good idea or not. Yeah, if you didn't know how Riley was slowly giving in to his desirers, that break up, or just break, came out of nowhere. 

"Bambi, stop for a moment!" I called, as he opened the front doors, obviously needing some fresh air as he was freaking out. When I closed the big doors behind me, he finally stopped, taking a moment to support himself by putting his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. Not because he was running, he wasn't, he had simply rushed out of there, but he was panting, because he was freaking the fuck out. I carefully approached him, laying a hand on his back and I think normally, he would have jerked away, but a mate's touch was known to give some new strength and energy, he very much needed in that moment. 

"Hey it's ok, deep breaths" I said calmly and when Riley looked up at me, with an 'Are you dumb?' look on his face, since that seemed basically impossible to him right now, I soothingly rubbed his back as I instructed "Come on, I will do it with you. In". Together with me, Riley took a deep breath, holding it just like I did, before I said gently "And out again, very good. Once more." My mate didn't complain, as he closed his eyes, standing now fully up right again, my hand still on his back, as he closed his eyes, listening to my voice and taking deep breaths with me. 

After a while I stopped, testing the water, if Riley had calmed down again and when he opened his eyes, looking at me, I saw them before my mate probably even felt them rise. Tears. Riley had tears in his eyes, as what had just happened actually registered in his now calm mind and he tried to blink them away, but they fell nevertheless. "Hey hey its ok! Don't cry, its ok" I said gently and as if we had done it all of our lives I gently pulled him in, as Riley wrapped his arms around my torso, crying against my chest. My hand found his locks, holding his head close, so he could feel safe and protected. 

Hearing my mate's cries was one of the most painful things I ever had experienced. It was like very tear was a cut to my heart and I wanted nothing more than to take that pain away from him. And I did hear his cries, because as soon as his skin touched mine, the weak and shaky, but still audible sounds similar to a cry escaped my mate and all I could do was hold him, making him feel less alone and understood, because I really did understand him. 

"Its ok, its all going to be ok. You can still be together with him, if that's what you want. You just needed a break and that is fine, he will understand" I said and Riley pulled away a bit, shaking his head. He wasn't surprised that I had overheard what was going on, I was one of the only people in the school who could read sign language and I guess my mate had been very well aware, that everybody had been looking at them, I mean, how couldn't he? It had literally been quiet and it's never quiet in the cafeteria. 

"No I can't! I don't deserve somebody like him! I cheated! I betrayed him and now all I can do is think about you, you big idiot!" he signed, a tear rolling down his cheek and although his words meant the world to me, the part about me being stuck in his mind, the guilt and tears made my heart ache and Dixon howl in pain. For him it was just as unbearable as it was for me to see Riley in this much pain. He deserved to be happy, he deserved the whole damn world and yet he was feeling like this, overwhelmed and eaten by guilt.