Tainted Love (bxb)

Chapter 40 - Make amends

Entangled in the sheets, I woke up to the smell of lavender and pine trees brushing my nose. Slowly, my eyes fluttered open, getting used to the bright sun shining through the window and when I looked down, I saw that my mate's head was comfortably placed on my chest, his hair slightly tickling my nose, but not in an unpleasant way. I had my arm around his torso and his legs were entangled with mine. But by the way his soft hand brushed up and down my naked torso I realized, that he was already awake, staring out the window. 

"Good morning Bambi" I grinned, leaning down and kissing his hair and Riley lifted his head at that, looking at me. He didn't seem tired, but kind of troubled...but I didn't get to think about that for much longer than a split second, as he cupped me cheek, pressing his rosy lips softly against mine. "Morning" he smiled weakly, his thumb brushing over my cheek, as he studied my eyes, which apparently calmed him down a bit. He lifted his head away from mine again and placed it back on my chest, nuzzling himself back into that comfortable position. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, unable to not show just how worried I was. Maybe he hated what we had done yesterday or maybe he didn't want to be my mate anymore or maybe he wanted to reverse everything I had said in my speech or maybe he didn't love me anymore or maybe- if overthinking was a superpower, I'd have it. I brushed through his hair, as my mate sighed, taking his time to say what was on his mind. He was also still naked, not that either one of us cared after what we had done the evening before. 

"Sawyer texted me" he said. Oh...The tone of his voice told me everything I needed to know. That this was hard for him. That he felt guilty and had probably completely forgot about the pain his ex was still going through, even if he had to deal with his own stuff now and wasn't obligated to feel so shitty about himself. It was, for once, out of his control and it wouldn't have been fair to stay with Sawyer if the feelings weren't right anymore, if he thought about another person romantically, aka me. 

"What did he say?" I asked, continuing to brush over his hair, as Riley looked out the big windows and on to the woods laying in front of my house. It was a calming view and Riley was indeed calm. Just a little troubled. His hand laid on my stomach and his finger traced circles on my skin, which felt nice and it seemed to calm him even more. 

"Not much...just wanted to check in how I was doing. It was sweet" he shrugged and I could feel just how guilty my mate felt at that. Sawyer was a sweet guy, who even after that messy breakup wanted to check in and make sure Riley was alright. That whatever condition he had wasn't haunting him and maybe even with that simple 'How are you?' offering an open ear if I turned out to be not such a great guy and maybe even abused him. Which I would never, but if I was Sawyer, I wouldn't trust me either. 

This was hard on Riley. He and Sawyer never talked again after they had broken up and Riley spend more time with me. And now that it was winter break, so he had no opportunity to catch him in the hall or something like that. Because even though Riley wanted to be with me and didn't seem to regret breaking up with Sawyer, he didn't want him to hate him for that decision, which was the only right thing for my mate to do. He didn't want the guy, who had been by his side for two years through so much, to despite him and I understand that very well. 

"I think you should have a talk with him. Get it all on the table" I said. And yes the idea of my mate sitting down with the guy he slept with and loved just a few months ago to talk about their feelings wasn't exactly comforting, but I trusted Riley and I knew he needed it, as did Sawyer. I didn't know him very well, but from what my mate had told me, he had treated him very well and with respect those two years of their lives and he was a good guy, so he deserved some closure as well, just so he would know, that he really didn't do anything wrong to provoke this break up.