Tainted Love (bxb)

Chapter 20 - Heart Break Hotel

Holding my mate in my arms should have felt amazing. But the tingling feeling that always made my heart beat faster and my chest feel warmer was overpowered by the cries of my mate, that were like daggers to my soul. His smaller hands gripped onto the back of my shirt, holding on as he cried, because he knew he was safe with me. He knew I wouldn't make fun of him or tell him, that we weren't even a thing, so why should I comfort him. Somehow, he seemed to know, that my heart was his, if he wanted it and that he meant so much more to me than a casual fling. 

That didn't seem to scare him or maybe his brain didn't have the time or space to actually think about this fact for much longer, since very obviously his only thought was, that he had just broken Sawyer. The person that stayed with him for over two years. That loved him more than anything and that he had loved too, very much, but fate had something different in mind. Sawyer left as a broken man, having lost the love of his life, maybe, the person he had wanted to build his future with. The person he wanted to raise a family with and grow old by his side until one of them would pass away. 

I hated that, in the end, I was the reason for all of that. I hadn't meant to do it, really, I never wanted to be this person. But I was the werewolf. I was the one that needed a good damn mate and for some reason, the goddess not only gave me my former arch enemy as such, but also somebody who was in a loving relationship. And I destroyed that relationship. I don't think the kiss was the only thing that made Riley decide to end it. Because he did decide. He could have lied and everything would have been fine. I mean, it was part of it, since he sincerely believed that Sawyer deserved to know the truth and decide how to go from there, but everybody involved knew that this was not the only reason. 

Because a kiss is bad, yes. It is cheating. But I think Sawyer would have forgiven him. If Riley would have told him, that it only happened in the heat of the moment and that it meant nothing and would never happen again, I think they could have survived this. But truth was, it did mean something. Riley's silence to Sawyers question, if he had feelings for me or not said it all. Maybe it was only the mating bond, maybe, for some miracle, my mate actually started to like me more and more, but to sum it up, my existence was their end. And neither one was happy. 

Sawyer, obviously, was far from being pleased with the situation, and Riley was now, more than ever, eaten by guilt. Maybe he also didn't want Sawyer to leave, maybe he wanted to chose him and now felt like that could never ever happen again. Or maybe he simply hated that this was how a beautiful relationship broke apart. I mean, they were high school sweethearts, normally that would end, very probably, around college anyway, but then again, they did have genuine feelings for each other. 

And before you ask, it did not hurt thinking that way. First of all, that was Riley's past and a part of him I would never deny. He had been and maybe still was in love with his first boyfriend and even though I wanted my mate, very much, I also liked to see him happy. And now he wasn't. I didn't even look back at my friends, who were still there, but gave me and him the space we needed, while I just focussed on stroking my mate's back soothingly, holding him close while he cried against my chest, needing the comfort I was more than willing to provide for him. 

"Shh its ok, let it out" I hushed, showing him that this was fine, even though I think he already felt that. I was his mate after all, caring for him was literally what I was made to do and I would rather cut off my right arm than letting Riley go through this alone, even if it was the heartache of another breakup. My one hand, that wasn't on Riley's back went to the back of his head, pulling him in close, so he really knew I was more than fine with this. He sniffled against my shirt that was probably soaked with his tears, but I didn't care. 

"I am the worst person alive" he signed, as he pulled away, blinking away some of the tears, while his bottom lip wobbled, something that made my stomach clench. If I could take some of his pain away, oh goddess I would...I would in a heartbeat. I gently brushed over his cheek, wiping away some of the tears and cleaning his beautiful face, which Riley let me do, before I shook my head, gently saying "You are not. This happens. And I know what you are going to say and I agree, it shouldn't, but that's what makes us...human. You didn't intend to hurt him, therefore you are not a bad person"