Tainted Love (bxb)

Chapter 42 - Mental state of mind

Riley and I went to sleep that night, with me spooning him from behind and holding him protectively, just in case he would feel threatened or unsafe again. He wanted to tell me about his condition, but we had agreed to wait till the next day, where we would both be rested and had a moment to actually talk about this if needed. I just hoped, that Riley would be better by the time he would wake up. That whatever had overcome him the day before had passed and left my beautiful mate alone and unharmed. 

I still had no idea, what was going on behind those brown curls, but I knew, that it was very difficult for Riley and he didn't seem to like and talk about it, understandably. So this was huge. That he was telling me this, willingly after I had promised him a thousand times that he didn't need to give me a reason for freaking out like that at the winter wonderland, but Riley said that he was ready and wanted me to know, so I didn't fight him on that one anymore. 

I didn't sleep much that night, because honestly, I was worried. I was worried, that something was wrong with Riley and he would need me at some point and I didn't want to be asleep for that. But he slept pretty peacefully, snuggled up against me with his hair spawned on the pillow, his hand holding mine, that was attach to the arm wrapped around his waist. How could such a peaceful and beautiful creature fight such demons on the inside without anybody knowing about it? How could somebody or something want to hurt my perfect mate? And this time, it appeared there wasn't much I could do. Whatever his condition was, I couldn't really attack it and kill it for him....if it wouldn't kill him first. 

"Relax little guy. We both know that it's not cancer or aids or something like that. Otherwise just being inside somewhere private where he could distract himself wouldn't have been the solution. And I promise you, we would feel if he was physically ill. Its going to be fine, I promise" Dixon said, trying to calm me, as the sun was rising outside and I was still very nervous to see if Riley was feeling better, if a good night's sleep had changed anything and healed whatever troubles he had. "How can you be so sure about that? He hasn't told you what his condition is, has he?" I asked and Dixon groaned at my stubbornness. 

Dixon and Riley had met. Yes. Very briefly, but it was a dear wish of my wolf and Riley agreed, since he was his mate as well. I let Dixon take over a few nights ago and he had a short conversation with Riley, introducing himself and answering a few questions, like if he was watching me and him having sex, which was pretty bold, but also funny to watch Dixon sweat as he sure was a part of that act to some extend. It were his desires as well after all. But he tried to explain that when I was with Riley, it was just me and him and Dixon was his own wolf inside me. And he would always give us our privacy when he felt like we needed it. I retreated completely for a few minutes and let them talk, so maybe my Bambi had told him something about this condition, that could help me calm down as well. 

"Don't be ridiculous Asher. I told you, we only got to know each other a bit. You were only gone for like two minutes, so when would he have had time to open up like that, huh? And I know this, because I am older than you and wiser. He is sick, but not physically, you can see and feel that Asher, I know you do, so just be patient and wait for him to open up and let us in. And please, when he does, just let him talk first, before you jump to over protective conclusions, alright?" Dixon asked and I hate to admit it, but that wolf just knew me too well. I sighed, knowing he was right, of course he was. I knew I needed to calm down and let Riley guide this conversation we would be having, but still, it wasn't very easy to lean back in a situation like this. 

"Ok, you are right" I replied reluctantly, even though it was hard letting my fears go. 

"Oh what's that now? I am right? You, Asher De Marco, admit that I am right?" Dixon asked, that cheeky little bastard. Yeah normally I wouldn't say something like that, I was too stubborn, but he was right, this time."Don't let it get to your head old man" I replied and that shut him up real quick. I had to grin internally at my win, as I could slowly rest a bit next to my mate. And eventually, after struggling for a while, I did finally sleep for a few hours.